People won’t understand the first time your father broke your heart when he made you feel like you’re not good enough. They will never understand the day you looked at him and you couldn’t love him the way you used to or the day his arms didn’t make you feel safe anymore.
They won’t understand the agony that comes with seeing your parents fall out of love, seeing them fight and argue over everything. They won’t understand how you’re going to live your whole life trying to find a kind of love you’ve never really seen because you don’t know what it is, you just know what love is not.
They won’t understand the guilt you feel when you can’t help your mother out. When you know that she deserves better but she’s choosing to settle. When you know that she’s paying the price for her mistakes and you can’t do anything to take the pain away. When you wish you could see her happy but she’s making her life harder than it should be and you can’t do anything about it.
They won’t understand the first time you got your heart broken by the person who meant the world to you. They won’t feel the sharp pain in your belly that feels like someone has stabbed you and left you to bleed alone. They won’t understand how happy that person made you and how you thought your lonely days were over only to realize they were just beginning.
They won’t understand what happens to your body when you go from an extreme high to the lowest low. When you can’t even get out of bed because your sadness is so heavy. Emptiness is not light. Your body is aching from all the things it has lost. Your heart is numb from all the feelings it was forced to forget.
People may go through the same experiences but they feel things differently. You’re the only one who knows why you feel things the way you do. Why you can’t move on or let go. Why you keep doing the same mistakes over and over again and even if people try to understand they won’t always heal you. They won’t always take the pain away. They won’t always know what to say or how to make you feel better because they don’t know what you hold inside; the secrets you’ve been keeping, the feelings you’ve been bottling up, the wounds you’ve been trying to cleanse and the scars you’ve been trying to conceal.
You can only heal yourself. People may help you heal or stand beside you when you’re struggling but for the pain to go away, for the pain to disappear, you’re the only one who’s truly capable of digging in deeper to find the source of your pain so you can slowly repair the damage and wash away the dirt so you can start anew.