When You’re Scared To Lose What You Don’t Even Have

There a comes a point in our lives when we like someone a little more than they like us, so we start making these assumptions of who we should be to bring them closer to us and we put them on a pedestal right off the bat that we often lose sight of who we are and why we’re doing this.

We become emotionally attached to the feeling they give us or how they make us feel so we tiptoe around them because we don’t want to lose them, we want them to like us more, we want them to be there for us when we need them but we don’t really stop and ask ourselves if there’s really anything to lose when you don’t even have that person.

What are we really scared of losing if we let go? The maybes? The Almosts? The assumptions? The ‘what ifs’ and ‘what could be?’

The truth is sometimes losing what you don’t have is better than having it half-way.

Losing what’s temporary is better than holding on to the hope that it could morph into forever.

I think we sometimes make ourselves suffer when we feel like our happiness depends on one person, we find it hard to accept that this person was sent to us as a lesson or temporarily because they brought us back to life, they sparked a flame within our hearts and they showed us the light.

But we have to differentiate between someone who flickers and someone who lights our world. Someone who brings us joy for a few seconds followed by hours of pain and someone who wants to make us happy for as long as possible.

We have to really ask ourselves if we’re projecting what we want onto this person or if this is who they really are. Is this a fantasy or is it reality?

You have to ask yourself these questions and if the answers are unclear then you need to cut your losses.

Because losing what you don’t have is liberating, if you think about, you only lose the sleepless night, the confusion, the constant overthinking and the self-doubt, but you gain your peace of mind, your sanity, and your self-worth.

Sometimes it takes losing what you never had to realize that you really had nothing and you realize that the fear of losing someone you never had was just an illusion.

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.