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Cataloged in Love

If It Was Right, It Would Have Stayed

If it was right, it would have found you.

If it was right, it would have lasted.

If it was right, it would have been yours.

But it wasn’t, at least for now, it’s not meant to be yours. It’s not meant to come find you. It’s not meant to go the way you wish it could go.

And maybe it doesn’t make sense, maybe your gut is telling you otherwise, maybe your heart is aching without it and maybe you can’t stand losing it. You can’t let the world win. You just can’t let it go because it was everything you wanted and everything you wished for.

It shatters you. But because you want it so much, you want to make it right, you want to stand tall against the world and make it happen.

So you keep trying and you keep giving even if you’re getting nothing in return.

You keep thinking about and missing people who are out there living their lives and not thinking about you.

You think that if you change that one thing about yourself, you’ll be able to get what you want.

You think that all you need is more time for you to convince someone that you’re worth a chance.

You spend your days and your nights perfectly planning what you’re going to say when you see them and what you’re going to do to make them feel the same way.

You lose yourself.

You become the person you never wanted to be. The person who forgets their own worth, the person who lowers their standards to get someone’s attention and get their love.

You keep everything you want to truly say or do to yourself so you don’t push that person away because you don’t want to lose them.

So you pick them over you. You lose yourself to keep them.

And it shatters you even more. Because that’s not love — at least not the kind of love you wished for.

It’s not effortless, it’s taking too much effort, the effort you’re the only one putting in.

It’s not genuine because you keep manipulating someone into loving you.

It’s not real because you’re going against your beliefs to keep someone who is not afraid of losing you and sometimes you lose them anyway after everything you’ve done.

And it leaves you wounded with scars that won’t heal.

Because it wasn’t right, it wasn’t meant to be.

If it was right, it would have stayed.

If it was right, you would have been loved.

If it was right, God would have moved both your hearts, not just yours. 

If it was right, you would have had the biggest smile on your face instead of these tears in your eyes.

So maybe we just need to trust that what’s not meant for us will always pass us by no matter how hard we try to keep them and what’s meant for us will always find us — even in the middle of nowhere. TC mark

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.

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Rania Naim

Writing. Living. Loving. Dreaming. Healing. Evolving.

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