You can manipulate someone into buying something they don’t need.

You can manipulate someone into believing a lie.

You can manipulate someone with a magic trick or a good presentation but you can’t manipulate someone into caring about you.

You can’t manipulate someone into loving you.

You can spend your days trying and playing games and spend your nights working on yourself so you can be impressive and the person you want still may not be moved by it.

You can try your hardest to provide that person with everything they need and they can still go after someone else.

Because you can manipulate anything in the world but you can’t manipulate feelings, you can’t manipulate someone else’s heart and even if you succeed for a little while, it’s only a matter of time before this person finds their heart again and what it truly desires.

I always wondered if maybe I push people away by being too honest, too sensitive or too impulsive. I tried being the cool girl, the girl who cares less, the girl who acts like not responding to a text is not a big deal and the girl who doesn’t care if the person she likes is talking to someone else and let me tell you that it didn’t work. It doesn’t work because even if you think you’re pulling it off, the other person can see that’s it’s all fake, it’s not you, they see right through your lies.

Your heart is louder than your words, your eyes are giving your true identity away and eventually they realize that you’re a bad actress, that you can’t even memorize the lines from the day before. You can’t even stick to one plot.

Because you also can’t manipulate yourself, you can’t manipulate your own heart, you can’t manipulate how you really feel.

And maybe all these failed attempts at manipulating someone is trying to tell you something, maybe it’s trying to teach you an important lesson; attraction and love can’t be manipulated. Maybe you make it harder than it should be because you’re forcing something to happen, you’re forcing someone to feel and you’re forcing someone to change their heart.

You can’t manipulate someone into wanting you.

You can’t manipulate someone into appreciating you even if you’re great — even if you’re the best.

Because who wants to be with someone they had to manipulate anyway? Who wants their story to be about cornering someone until they surrendered.

Relationships require a lot of work and effort but the beginning is effortless. It’s authentic. It’s real. It’s unforced. It’s easy.

Manipulation is a waste of time. Manipulation will end in heartbreak.

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.