I sometimes wonder what happens after —
after you’re done working on your self,
after you’ve read all the self-help books,
and after you’ve learned to love yourself.
Because it also gets exhausting after a while,
after you follow your passion
and you’ve mastered the art of positive thinking
because you still go to bed alone.
You talk to a lot of people
but no one actually cares about the details.
You’re always surrounded by friends
but you always feel so empty.
You fill your days with things to do
and your nights with books to read.
You keep distracting yourself,
as you live a life you never wished for.
And you try to be grateful,
you try to understand that this is your calling,
that you’re meant to live this life for a reason,
but sometimes you really don’t want it.
Sometimes you just want to sleep
and wake up with no responsibilities,
sometimes you want to wake up
next to someone you know you can never have.
Sometimes it feels like you have everything
but it also means nothing.
Sometimes it feels like you’re only putting on a show
and now you’re running out of ideas.
You sometimes wonder if you’re living a lie
because the reality that you want is not happening.
Working on yourself is becoming too much work
and sometimes you just want to quit.
Sometimes you just want to run away.
You miss being free.
Sometimes you want to disappear
and sometimes you want to be found.
But you always go back to working on yourself
because you know that if you stop, no one will do your job
and even if it’s draining every fiber of your being
You’re the only one qualified for it.