We don’t really fall for someone thinking about how things will end – but we always hope that the ending will be clear and painless.
The recent trend is that people end things without closure; they could completely ghost you and abandon you or they could come up with some lame excuse explaining their sudden change in behavior. No matter what it is, it always feels like unfinished business and you long for just this one moment, this one conversation, this one heart to heart so you can understand what went wrong and get your closure. In my mind, most closures go something like this.
I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to face you and tell you why I don’t want to talk to you anymore. I realized that my feelings have changed along the way and I didn’t want to hurt you by telling you that I am not the person you thought I was.
I’m sorry I checked out without warning, I knew you were getting attached and I just had to cut the strings before you hold on to them too tightly. I wasn’t ready to be the one to pull you through.
I’m sorry you had to deal with all the confusion, self-doubt and unanswered questions. The answer was simple; I had other things on my mind, we were not on the same page and I didn’t want to be the one you run to when you needed someone. I wanted you to feel how unreliable I was so you wouldn’t rely on me.
I apologize for painting a happy picture only to tear it down later, I was living in the moment and I didn’t consider your feelings. Part of me thought this might work and the other didn’t want to even try. I am sorry I was in limbo and you were caught in the middle of it all.
I’m sorry you thought I was better than that, you deserve better than that, you deserved an explanation, you deserve a good reason for my sudden departure and I’m sorry you didn’t get it. I’m sorry if that will build your walls up higher for the next person, I’m sorry you now think everyone will leave without warning. I’m sorry your heart is now broken to love deeply again.
* * *
The truth about the closure you didn’t get is that it was a choice. Someone chose to ignore your questions, disregard your feelings and insult your intelligence. Someone chose not to send that text or give you the final call or look at you and tell you why they have to leave.
The truth about the closure you didn’t get is that you actually got it. No closure is somehow closure.
No closure means that someone didn’t care enough about you to talk to you like you matter, they didn’t care about how you will see them, they didn’t care about how your friends will see them, they didn’t care about how they will face you again when you run into them and they didn’t care about how fragile your heart was. They decided to be selfish and greedy. They decided to take without giving back.
So this is the closure you really need: how someone else closed their door doesn’t define how you should close yours. Just because someone left doesn’t mean that everyone will leave.
No matter how many doors people close, you have to always leave yours open because someone will come knocking on your door and will never want to leave.