You apologize for almost everything, even things you should not apologize for. You feel everything deeply — sometimes a little too deep that you end up beating yourself way more than you’re supposed to.
You worry too much. There were never crossroads for each decision. Instead of just this way or that way, it’s this way and that way branching out the more “ways”. What would they think if I did this? What would they say if I do that? Would I be hurting someone? Would I be disappointing someone? You always worry about what other people around you would think or feel you fail to ask the most important question: what would YOU feel if you did that?
I know it’s hard when all you ever wanted in life was to keep everyone happy. When you live to please because your happiness depends on whether the key players in your life are happy. It is a hard habit to break, I know. Maybe it has become your automatic reflex. Your comfort zone. And getting out of it scares you.
But you have your own mind for a reason. There is also a reason why you have your own heart. Your own will. You were never meant to be a puppet, strings pulled by everyone else’s opinions. Because people have different stances and hinging on those would be like pulling you in different directions all at the same time. And then one day you wake up with only a fraction of a whole. One day you would not know whose life you’re living anymore. Whether it is still yours or if it has become theirs.
I know this is easier said than done. That it sounds like a piece of cake coming from others because there are no emotions involved. And maybe you’ll say I make it seem like it is a breeze. Except I know it’s not, trust me. I know it’s not easy to put you first especially when doing so would mean disappointing someone or letting them down. And it is harder if that someone you’re letting down are the people who matter most.
I’m not telling you to be selfish, to not care about other people at all. But at the end of the day, it is your life. You know you best. You should know too, what is best for you. While people who care about you would try to steer you to the direction they think is right for you, the final decision still lies in your hands.
Some people may not agree, some people may not understand at first, and maybe some, never. You may feel alone, you may feel like no one understands or supports you, but doesn’t it feel as bad, maybe even worse, whenever you say no to you to say yes to someone else?
So, please, do not be afraid to choose you. Do not hesitate for a second to do what YOU think is right for you. And never ever apologize for putting you first.
Because the people you love the most, all the people that matter, should understand.