Your Heartbreak Will Actually Benefit You, Even Through All The Pain

Yoann Boyer

Heartbreak blows. Sure, that’s not the most magical opening sentence, but tell me that’s not a great way of describing it.

Or maybe I just feel that way because I’ve dealt with it for so long, and I’ve exhausted all those emotions that used to drive what can only be described as lukewarm madness.

Getting your heart broken isn’t something you should be looking forward to, but it is a necessity. Or at least, I believe it to be. I’m not sure that a person can truly love correctly if they’ve never lost love. It’s too easy to brush off heartbreak as commonplace, only to inevitably find yourself deeply wounded and scarred.

But all the bad that is heartbreak isn’t pointless. There’s a reason you’re feeling so horrible. It’s not easy to see it looking from the inside out, but take it from someone who’s been there: It does get better, and it can get better. But only if you choose to make it better.

I know you can’t see the benefits of heartbreak, but if you are heartbroken, then you need to become aware of them as soon as possible. I wish I had someone explain to me what I’m about to explain to you. There are benefits of having your heart ripped out of your chest cavity. Here are six of them:

1. It rids you of that perfect fairytale notion.

Growing up, I had a very unrealistic view of love. Or rather, I had a view on love that only accounted for the good, the great and the fantastic, but never the less-than-fun, the difficult and the uncertain. I saw love as this magical goal that, if attained, would make me eternally happy. As adults, that’s how some of us still imagine love.

We see it the way it was depicted in all the stories we heard, read and watched growing up. We fail to see the darker side of love — a side which does exist — regardless of whether or not we wish to accept it as part of the deal. Heartbreak introduces you to the pain and sadness that defines love. It isn’t pleasant, but it is necessary.

2. It shows you some of the lowest lows in life.

Heartache is the feeling that fills the void formerly known as love. The deeper the love, the deeper the hole and the more heartache needed to fill it. What I didn’t realize at first (and I know most people have the very same issue) is the longer you feel this way, the more negative you become. Your thoughts drift further and further away from positivity, and eventually you can’t even imagine yourself feeling truly happy, excited or whole again.

The longer you sulk, the deeper you dig that hole until you eventually hit rock bottom. Having your heart broken isn’t something you can just shake off — not if the love was real. That’s why so many people’s lives seem to fall apart after they lose the one they loved.

The good news is, once you hit rock bottom, that’s when you really get to see what you’re made of. Are you a fighter? Or are you a coward?

3. It makes you question whether there’s a purpose to this experience we call life.

Finding the love of your life makes everything feel right. It makes you feel as if the universe was somehow corroborating in your favor. When things are going right in our life, when our wants and needs are met without direct intervention, we feel like the world is the way it should be.

But when our relationship begins to fall apart, we not only question our love, but we also question the concept of love. You were so certain you found the one. Maybe there’s no such thing as true love?

Maybe there is no purpose to anything. Maybe we’re just all accidents who believe they’re doing meaningful work, when in reality life is nothing but one big triviality. Maybe, maybe not.

The truth is, it doesn’t matter what conclusion you come to (well, it does and it doesn’t). What matters is that you’re finally asking the right questions. Your concept of life has proven to be false, so you have no choice but to reassess and redefine. In other words, you come one step closer to the truth.

4. It challenges you.

I could use multiple synonyms, but the truth is that words fail to fully express what it means to have your heart broken. Let me put it this way, you’ll know it when it happens to you. And not just because of the way that it makes you feel, but by the challenges it puts in front of you.

You feel lost and confused, barely knowing which way is up and which is down. The way you think the world worked has proven to be wrong. You’re feeling sluggish and depressed. You stop enjoying the things you used to enjoy, and you’ve stopped wanting the things you used to want. Then you either lose control of your life, or simply let go of it. It’s often difficult to tell which is which, but one day you realize you’re going 100 mph and no one is steering the ship.

All of these things make living your life difficult. They’re challenges you will need to overcome, and once you do overcome them, you’ll be stronger than ever.

5. It makes you self-reliant.

The biggest mistake people make in a relationship is based on the biggest misconception we have on love. Love is a joining of two people, two lives, two souls. However, it’s more like the holding of hands than it is a full fusion. Sure, your lives will mesh together on many levels, but when we get down to it, you’re both still independent individuals. You are (and always will be) your own person.

People run into relationships in order to run away from themselves. They aren’t happy with the people they are or with the way their lives are playing out. This is often because we listen to the opinions of others more than we ought to. In response to this, they go out and find love in order to stop being the people they are, and instead become this joint partnership.

The problem is you never stop being you, just as he or she never stops being him or herself. Having your heart broken reminds you that nothing is forever, and that in the end, you can only fully rely on yourself.

6. It gives space for new love in your life.

You know that hole you’re feeling? The hole the person you love used to fill? Well, that hole was always there. You just weren’t conscious of it.

You didn’t know what you were missing, so you didn’t miss it. You couldn’t miss it. But now that you know the possibilities — now that you know how powerful love is — you feel deprived.

The good news is the hole can be filled again. You will fall in love again. You will get another chance at creating the life you want for yourself. You will be given all the opportunities you need to be the person you need to be. If you think about it, the only thing stopping you from accomplishing all of that was, in fact, the person who just walked out of your life.

Now that they’ve left, you have room for something better in your life —someone better. But only if you allow yourself to completely let go. So, what are you waiting for? Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Writer, thinker, entrepreneur, and life enthusiast.

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