Playing hard to get may seem pointless, but it’s not. When done correctly, it gives the relationship a bit of extra excitement.
The problem with playing hard to get is that it backfires sometimes. Whoever was playing hard to get was playing wrong, playing too hard to get. It’s a fine, fuzzy line.
Everyone has different limits, expectations, and definitions of love. When you play hard to get, take into account the other person. After all, you are interested in them, no?
You’re going to want to play the game carefully. Remember, as much as this is for you, it’s also for your crush. Here’s how to do it effectively.
1. Give the attention he or she needs, but not the attention he or she wants.
Just as people have limits as far as how much they can handle, they also have minimums as far as how little they’re willing to accept. You have to get into your crush’s head to figure out how much attention is too much.
When does it cross over? When your crush no longer feels like he or she needs to work for your attention. Not that your crush ought to be constantly working for your attention, but he or she needs to be giving a little bit.
And be careful about not giving your crush enough attention — if he or she doesn’t feel that you care, he or she will call it quits.
2. Make your crush work for it, but don’t forget to put in some effort yourself.
You want the person you’re dating to always be making an effort.
This isn’t to say your crush must always be on his or her toes, always making sure to give you attention and feeling like they’re always putting in an enormous amount of effort. That’s exhausting. But you do want him or her to feel like he or she should always make an effort. You want your crush to want to always make an effort.
Playing hard to get is a game, one played by two people. You want the other person to work for you, just as you want him or her to make you work for him or her.
Nothing extreme, of course, just a nice bit of tension to keep things exciting. You have to realize making someone want to work to get you is synonymous with making him or her want you.
3. Make him or her wait for sex.
Yes, you have a penis and/or a vagina, and you know how to use it. Good for you. That in itself isn’t enough to tell you it’s time to get your freak on. Sex is wonderful, but as all wonderful things, it becomes more wonderful when we have time to let the anticipation grow.
Again, you don’t want to wait too long because anticipation can kill you. Or, at the very least, kill the relationship. If you haven’t had sex yet, then giving it some time — time to get to know each other on a deeper level — will make the sex that much better.
If you’ve been having sex, don’t make it part of the routine. Sex shouldn’t be routine. It should be spontaneous. Routines, no matter what they consist of, inevitably become boring.
4. Open the window, but don’t let him or her jump through.
You should always be careful with whom you let in. Not all people deserve to get to know you on an intimate level.
Instead of laying your hand on the table, show your crush one card at a time. Pull back the curtains, even open the window, but don’t let him or her leap until it’s time.
Think about it this way: If your goal is to find someone to spend your life with, then you should approach each relationship as if it has the potential to become what you’re looking for (if it doesn’t have the potential of becoming what you want it to become, then you shouldn’t be in the relationship in the first place).
And considering you have a lifetime, take your time. Get to know each other slowly. Don’t rush this process, because it’s more fun not to.
5. Give him or her affection, but always take your space.
Relationships are often disappointing because people in the relationship are aiming for something impossible.
I know that you want the two of you to become one, but that will never actually happen. You two will always be separate individuals. So let this person be themselves, and let you be you. Do your own things, and then do the rest together.
The beauty of spending time apart is that it regularly reminds you how important the other person is to you. It allows you to miss this person.
The truth is that you can’t miss someone who’s always there — and you want this person to miss you. Spend enough time apart to ensure the time you have together is as exciting, intense and magical as it should be.