Here it is: They do. That’s just it. Please don’t call them. Please don’t drunk text them. Please don’t send them something fake by accident. They miss you. What you had was real and they do think about you. And you don’t need them to tell you that in order to be okay, okay?

I almost did it. I almost did it last week.

Last week would have been our two year anniversary. Not of marriage. Not of some super intense relationship, but of my relationship with my best friend. We traveled together, we laughed together, we made love, and we had love. And so I know it wasn’t like a divorce after 10 years of marriage, but I missed him. And you want to know something else?

He broke up with me in a flash, completely out of the blue, with no signs, no warnings (and you can trust I would’ve seen them), and I haven’t heard from him since. As much as I want to punch myself out for admitting it, I think about him every day. I mean, I’m not sitting here pining over him, figuring how to get him back—honestly, I don’t want him back. But when I love, I love hard, and I’m still working on getting the love-switch that so many people apparently have to work for me.

So there’s my story, and the reason I tell you is to tell you that I had every right to call him up. I had every right to demand an admission that there’s at least some small part of him that thinks about me and misses me since I never got any such sign. I wanted that. I really did. I wanted to hear him say it. And it wasn’t too much to ask. Hell, we were in love. I could’ve asked. And I’d like to think he would’ve given it to me.

Fingers ready to dial the number I still knew by heart (I know, I’m old school), something stopped me. You could call it pride, but honestly, I think it was something better. I think it was the part of me that knows that I deserve to be missed. I know what we had in my last relationship was real. Actually, I know what I had in all of my relationships was real, even the really under-the-radar ones.

I know that because I was there. I felt it. And for once, I thought, maybe that’s enough.

I know it feels like hearing your ex say that they miss you would validate everything, from how bad you’ve hurt to if you ever had anything at all, but I’m writing this to tell you that you don’t need them (or me, for that matter) to tell you that. It was real. You were there. You felt it. You know it.

Call me an optimist or a hopeless romantic, but I don’t think that the person that you once meant so much to could suddenly erase you. I almost called him and I didn’t, and you know what happened? I went to sleep. And the next day, I felt better. He crossed my mind casually a few times per usual, but what was stronger than the thought of him was how happy I was that I did not call him.

I don’t need him or anyone to tell me that I deserve to be missed, and you don’t either. What you had was real, and I’m sorry it’s over, no matter if it was a weekend fling or a five-year marriage. I know it feels like if you just heard them admit and validate that you had something great and they still think about you all the time, all of your troubles would go away, but before this time that I had the strength of restraint, I’ve made that call, and I can tell you… they won’t.

You are everything. I want to call the person who let you go an idiot, but the truth is, I’m glad they let you go, because anybody who would let you go doesn’t deserve to keep you. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. So please, take it from me, take it from my heart, take it from your heart, and for the love of all that is good, shut your phone off tonight.