There is this idea that has been reiterated to me a few times by my friends, especially those of them who have been through abusive relationships, and that is that for some reason, they believe the person they are just now, the person who I know to be exceptional and wonderful, needs to change somehow to be more worthy of love. At their lowest moments, they have told me this, in a number of ways:
“I wasn’t worth it, thats why it didn’t last.”
“I wasn’t what they needed, and I should have changed myself to be what they wanted.”
“I don’t deserve to be loved this way, all broken.”
“I should have been better and maybe he/she wouldn’t have treated me this way.”
“I was too difficult to love.”
That last one always breaks my heart because I know that feeling. That feeling of thinking you are too difficult to be loved in any way. The truth is, you deserve to be loved. Even now, with all of your flaws. However difficult you think you are, there is someone out there who will love you.
They will hold your hand through your anxiety. They will be there for you even on your worst, angriest days. They will allow you to grow and evolve in the way you need. And even when you make mistakes, they will take the time to understand you and forgive you.
Love is not a thing that needs to be earned by changing yourself from the person you are. You can better yourself, but never ever think you need to better yourself for anyone other than yourself. Those kind of changes never last.
This is the kind of love you deserve. This is the kind of love you need. No one is too difficult to love when they have love in their hearts to give to others. Please don’t believe whoever told you that you will never find the love you need, not even yourself. Don’t tell yourself that changing who you are will get you the love you need. Because this you, all raw, all broken is still beautiful, is incredibly wonderful to someone.
Believe in yourself. You are not too difficult to love.
And you deserve love. Just like this. Just as you are.