Why I Am No Longer Looking For A Soulmate

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God and Man

Last night, I had a dream. In this dream I met every one of the people I have loved, and trusted my heart with. In this dream, they all gave it back, worse for wear, tired and in tatters. In this dream, they walked away without caring or giving me and my tired heart a second thought. I watched them leave, one prospective soulmate after another and wondered, was there ever a chance even one of them was my true soulmate and sadly things simply didn’t work out?

This morning, I awoke early. I found my clothes in the dark, wore them and walked out to the hill beyond my home to watch the sunrise. I watched the sun, a pool of orange, rise lonely into a pink blue sky and recognised something. My fever dream the previous night was a teacher. It had come to me because it needed to tell me something important.

Who was the person who had always held my heart and treated it with the utmost care? Who was the person who gently nursed it back to health each time? Who was the person who deserved my gentle heart more than anyone I had given it to? The answer was always there. It was me.

So I promised myself and the sun something today. I promised that I would be my own soulmate. I promised myself that I would never forget who the most gentle person with my heart is. I promised myself that my soft heart would always be protected because I choose myself as my own soulmate from now on. I choose to recognise other people as temporary, as people I will love and then let go when they are ready.

But I choose myself as my soulmate because I will always stay.

In the darkness and the storms, the sickness and in health, in light and shadow, I am the best protector and lover my own heart and soul will ever have. I am the only warrior it will know. The only one who will ever save it from drowning inside itself. I am the thing that will help myself grow.

So from now on, I will no longer be looking for a soulmate. I have already found one. And she is permanent. TC mark

Nikita Gill

Nikita is the author of Your Soul Is A River, a book about healing and becoming whole again.

Your Soul Is A River

“Love a soft person. The ones who are positive, even in the worst of circumstances. Someone whose strength is not in bravado, but in their quiet. Someone who is strong for others because that is what is needed in that moment. Someone who is the moon that soothes instead of the sun that burns. Someone who sees the very best in people even when you think they aren’t worth it. The kind of person who always wants to do the best for those they love.”
—Excerpt from Your Soul Is A River, by Nikita Gill

“I bought this on a whim to read as I was resting for the night, and I do not regret it one bit! Everything about the poetry in this book is amazing, heart breaking, and soul searching. It will lift your spirits on your darkest days. I want to thank the author so much for writing this, as it’s something I will be rereading a lot! Always remember, everything about you is important. You matter.” —McKayla

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This is me letting you go

If there’s one thing we all need to stop doing, it’s waiting around for someone else to show up and change our lives. Just be the person you’ve been waiting for.

At the end of the day, you have two choices in love – one is to accept someone just as they are and the other is to walk away.

We owe it to ourselves to live the greatest life that we’re capable of living, even if that means that we have to be alone for a very long time.

“Everyone could use a book like this at some point in their life.” – Heather
Let go now

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