Why I Am No Longer Looking For A Soulmate

Last night, I had a dream. In this dream I met every one of the people I have loved, and trusted my heart with. In this dream, they all gave it back, worse for wear, tired and in tatters. In this dream, they walked away without caring or giving me and my tired heart a second thought. I watched them leave, one prospective soulmate after another and wondered, was there ever a chance even one of them was my true soulmate and sadly things simply didn’t work out?

This morning, I awoke early. I found my clothes in the dark, wore them and walked out to the hill beyond my home to watch the sunrise. I watched the sun, a pool of orange, rise lonely into a pink blue sky and recognised something. My fever dream the previous night was a teacher. It had come to me because it needed to tell me something important.

Who was the person who had always held my heart and treated it with the utmost care? Who was the person who gently nursed it back to health each time? Who was the person who deserved my gentle heart more than anyone I had given it to? The answer was always there. It was me.

So I promised myself and the sun something today. I promised that I would be my own soulmate. I promised myself that I would never forget who the most gentle person with my heart is. I promised myself that my soft heart would always be protected because I choose myself as my own soulmate from now on. I choose to recognise other people as temporary, as people I will love and then let go when they are ready.

But I choose myself as my soulmate because I will always stay.

In the darkness and the storms, the sickness and in health, in light and shadow, I am the best protector and lover my own heart and soul will ever have. I am the only warrior it will know. The only one who will ever save it from drowning inside itself. I am the thing that will help myself grow.

So from now on, I will no longer be looking for a soulmate. I have already found one. And she is permanent. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Nikita is the author of Your Soul Is A River and Your Heart Is The Sea.

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