Stop Trying So Hard To Forget The Person You Are Meant To Remember

Nikita Gill
Nikita Gill

When the night sky glimmers with an eternity of stars and you hear the ocean’s breath from miles away; when the wind recites verse across your window and the rain dances in your garden; when the softest, gentlest lullaby is hummed by the trees as they dance happily within the storm, that is when you will remember him. In the quiet moments between when the purple of the sky recedes and the sun’s rays emerge, flooding everything around you with shades of gold and rose; when the moon kisses the sun in greeting and then disappears; that is when you will think of her. You wonder why when they hurt you so much, they left you in pain that all these beautiful things remind you of them. It’s like the universe is playing a cruel joke on you, making fun of all your hard work.

And you have worked so hard. You have worked so hard on forgetting the way they sound when they laugh, you fill your days with noise, with people, with the beginnings and ends of conversation that wouldn’t have mattered to you a few months ago. But within that snatch of air between one word and the next, you see them again – flitting in and out of your mind like looking through a kaleidoscope. And no matter how many articles you read about forgetting the person you love, or how many people you try to fill that hole inside you with, it’s not enough, it’s not enough.

So you spend two in the mornings unable to sleep, sifting through memories you don’t want to see. And you determinedly ignore the places where the broken pieces of your love have been scattered across this city. Your mind isn’t letting you forget the pain and you wonder why it hurts this much, why does it still ache like this when you have done everything you can to forget.

So here’s a truth you may not want to hear. You aren’t supposed to forget. That is not how you can let go.

The universe isn’t being cruel by making you remember. The universe brought you to meet with this person for a reason. There are a thousand lessons within them, within the way they have loved you, within the way they have cared for you, within the way you have been together. You miss them because there was something there, an incredible connection that doesn’t deserve to be forgotten. This may not be what you want to hear…but you need to stop trying so hard to forget them, and cherish the memories they left you with.

Don’t fight the 2AM memories, the moments you remember the warmth and comfort of his arms, or the way you caught her looking at you and smiling contentedly. Instead welcome them, cry if you need to, let it out, feel everything the memories want you to feel all over again. Miss them, miss them more than anything and let it overwhelm you for a while. Your body will know when to stop the tears, your mind will know when to move on.

But for now, just feel.

Feel everything to the point that you feel you know you are breaking.


And then feel yourself build again, from the ground where you are sitting, feeling like you are ashes. Feel the burden lift from your shoulders, you are whole again, lighter than you were before.

Do this as many times as your mind demands it. Stop fighting the urge to remember. Slowly, you will learn to remember them with fondness because all the bitterness would have left your heart, the sadness a weight which will be lifted. You will not carry them as baggage into your next relationship.

The reason why you have been feeling so hopeless, so tired, so alone since they have left you is because you have been trying so very hard to forget. In its place, remember everything the universe wants you to. And heal your spirit from your loss this way instead.

Replace each dark feeling that memory brings with a feeling of hope, and lightness. Drain the poison from your heart and fill it instead with honey, and peacefulness. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Nikita Gill

Nikita is the author of Your Soul Is A River and Your Heart Is The Sea.

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