This TikTok Hot Take Is The Best Roast Of ‘The Life Of A Showgirl’ You’ll Hear All Day
Taylor Swift knows all about free publicity. Good or bad, she has millions of fans (and foes) talking about her on the internet any time she releases a new project, and her latest album, “The Life Of A Showgirl”, is no exception.
Fans flocked to the comments sections of their preferred platforms for the midnight release, and while the initial ecstasy of Swiftie religious fervor has seemingly dissipated, the hot takes are still going strong. One TikTok creator, Simone, who uses the handle @balloonbreath, gave one of the most stunning critiques we’ve seen so far, cutting right into the bubble-gum pop of it all—
If you listen to the new Taylor Swift album with your ears, I think you’re gonna be happy, but if you listen with your brain, I think you’re going to be confused…I think Dr. Taylor Alison Swift forgot she knows how to write—because lyrically, this album was a major flop for me.
The quip is spot-on, after all of the backlash from the lengthy and verbose double album that was “THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT”, it seems like Swift took fan feedback, but dialed the intellectual part of her craft way down, perhaps diluting it past the point of perception.
Simone details her credentials, prefacing that she is a “nobody”, but nonetheless a die-hard Taylor Swift fan since the fifth grade “listening to “Teardrops on My Guitar” during indoor recess”. Here is a list of her other incredibly salient observations.
1.
Has Taylor Swift ever met a showgirl? Where was the showgirl music? Where was the big, brassy orchestra or jazzy, swinging vibe? I just didn’t hear it.
This was the biggest miss of the entire album. We were expecting Moulin Rouge meets Vegas Showgirl, and were met with nothing but petty feuds, teenage drama, Pen15 jokes, and a yearning for…suburbia?
2.
Taylor, read the room. “Actually, Romantic” is not what you think it is—your Charli XCX diss track. It seems like she’s responding to Charli’s song “Symps a Knife,” where Charli has that line about not wanting to see someone backstage at her boyfriend’s show. Taylor responds with “Well, if you’re thinking about me, you must be obsessed with me, and that’s so romantic.” It’s giving the same energy as when a bully says, “You’re stupid,” and you respond, “I know you are, but what am I?” That was the vibe, and what a miss. Charli’s song is so interesting and complex—talking about projecting onto someone you want to be, the anxiety spiraling, even lines like “I want to buy a gun / I want to shoot myself.” Taylor, you just cannot play here.
We had to listen to an entire album about Matty Healy, and literally have no more patience to hear about how his bandmates girlfriend might not be your BFF. Charli gave us “brat summer”, and it’s time for Taylor to just let that whole chapter of her life go.
3.
Then there’s “Cancelled”—oh my god, so stupid. Again, Little Miss Victim Complex. I love Taylor, but she can do bad things, too. She’s not above criticism, and on that song she cannot get over herself. As someone who’s been cancelled, who’s not always beloved by the public, she says, “I love to hang out with my friends who have scandals.” Okay, but that’s not the story you think it is—some of them are real criminals.
This track felt very entitled and vague AF. Combined with “Father Figure”, it’s very unclear about who and what she is protecting and forgiving, and there’s a lot of room for these words to be interpreted in any number of ways. Then, when you hold the aggression of these songs up to the others like “Honey” that paint her as a fragile flower whose sweet, sweet innocence has been stolen from her by the bitches at “the bar”, we’re just not buying into the incongruence anymore.
4.
Next thought: “Eldest Daughter.” Taylor, get off the internet. You should not be allowed to talk to anyone about the internet. It’s giving boomer—actually, it’s giving millennial but worse, because I actually like millennials.
We still remember your Tumblr days Taylor. Give us a break.
5.
“Life of a Showgirl” was a really fun song, and Sabrina ate her up on that verse. When Sabrina comes in, she’s cheeky, and the lyrics feel silly in a good way—but when Taylor does it, it falls flat and feels a bit disingenuous. She just doesn’t nail that light, silly tone that Sabrina does.
No one does sarcasm quite like Sabrina, and while we still can’t wait to see this music video, musically, it’s giving a watered down tribute to “Fancy” than Broadway or Vegas spectacular…
6.
Honestly, I wanted more of a mix between Midnights and Folklore/Evermore.
Same girl, same.
Listen to Simone’s full video below!
