You just feel lonely.
Everybody tells you that you’re lucky. That you have friends, family, a loving partner who all support you, and so much more. They tell you to be grateful – and you are. But sometimes all of that can seem so… distant.
You struggle with your feelings of loneliness. You blame yourself for feeling this way. After all, you shouldn’t feel lonely – you have so much in life, so much love. But deep inside, you feel an emptiness that starts to consume you day by day. It’s indescribable and numbing, and it’s ever-present.
There are days when you don’t feel as lonely, though. It comes and goes in waves, and it always manages to hit you in the worst moments. You feel bad for canceling appointments and flaking on your friends. However, you do that because you feel lonely and in no condition to socialize. This, in turn, makes you feel alone on top of that.
You feel lonely. Every day and night. Then you feel ashamed because it makes you sound ungrateful. However, what they don’t tell you about loneliness is that you might not be alone, but you can still be lonely.
It’s a vicious cycle that never stops. You wish you could just feel happy and accepted. You want to feel fulfilled and satisfied, you want to feel less lonely. But you don’t know how. This feeling consumes you and turns you into your worst enemy. You start to alienate those who want to be around you, because, in your head, it won’t change anything.
You feel lonely.
Every day feels like torture filled with endless loneliness. And you don’t know how to stop it. You lock yourself in your apartment with your own thoughts hoping that this feeling is temporary and will fix itself.
You hope that one day you’ll wake up and not feel lonely at all. You hope that you’ll understand that this feeling comes and goes – and that it’s not your fault. You pray that this day will come. And that it will feel like all the clouds that were separating you from happiness will disperse in seconds. You patiently wait for that day to come.
And know that it will.