5 Reasons Why I Don’t Want My Boyfriend To Meet My Parents

Today my boyfriend is going to meet my parents. Well, my parent. I am the only child of a single mom. I try to act like we’re not a little Gilmore Girls-y, but we are. My mom married when I was 20 and the guy is fantastic. I love my step-dad. Everyone does. He’s the nicest dude on the planet. Plus he’s got a boat.

Pretty much everyone loves my mom, too. My best friend Ed worships her. In high school, my friends would ask if my mom could come along with us to shows or the movies. She’s funny and pretty and generous and the life of the party. She looks like Connie Britton.

Since my mom and I have this only child/single mom relationship, meeting boyfriends has not always gone over well. For the first 20 years of my life, all she and I had were each other. She’s fiercely protective of me and to be fair, I have mostly dated complete losers that treated me like shit. But the guy I’m with now is totally different. He’s the love of my life. I wake up happy every single day because I know I have something remarkable in my life; something I never believed I would have or could even imagine.

So it’s time that he comes home with me and meets my mom because I think he’s going to be a big part of my future. I have met and fallen in love with his family, now it’s time to do the same with mine. But I’m terrified and this is why.

1. My mom and I have not been getting along recently. This is not something I am particularly proud of because I don’t think it’s cute to have tension with your parents. It started about two years ago when she came to visit me in Los Angeles at the absolute worst time. I was the busiest I’d ever been, my life was in shambles, I was a ball of anxiety and anger. She hasn’t forgiven me for it even though I have apologized profusely for my attitude that week. It doesn’t matter what age you are, it sucks to have your parent mad at you; and she is maaaaaaad. Lately, she’s been hanging up the phone on me when she doesn’t want to hear me speak. She picks fights about everything. Half the time I’ll say something completely arbitrary like, “Where is the mug with the seagulls on it,” and next thing I know I’m being told I was a selfish child. You get the point. The good news is that her anger is only directed at me. She will eat my boyfriend up; show him nothing but love. But I don’t know how I’m going to keep it together for five days if she insists on scrapping every chance she gets.

2. Like I mentioned earlier, my step dad has a boat. He does very well for himself (and I feel okay sharing that because his abundance has rarely affected me; occasionally I’ll get a free plane ticket). I grew up lower-middle class, but that’s not how my mom lives anymore. Her homes are all decorated immaculately. They drink fine wine. A meal out always costs some serious coin. Trust me, I am thrilled that my mother is so well taken care of because I truly believe she deserves it, but I don’t want my love to think that we’re elitist or classist or that my life was anything like the life they live.

3. Everyone gets a little looser when they drink, but my parents get real loose. My step dad walks around with a huge smile on his face talking about how much he loves the Bee-Gees and my mom makes jokes. Often at my expense. This behavior is NAGL and I don’t want my dude exposed to that.

4. I don’t know where the hell they live. They sold their home and moved to some corporate apartment building 20 minutes from their old house. I haven’t seen photos, I’m completely unclear about where this place even is. It’s in a part of Massachusetts I’ve never explored. I’m just going to Waze that shit and hope for the best.

5. Finally, this is who I am, kinda. As much as I am freaking the fuck out, I can’t deny that these are the people I love and call my family. We spend Christmas together. Even though things are tense right now, I’d drop anything to help my mother and she’d certainly do the same for me. And I hope that the boyf likes what he sees; rough edges and all.