Just so you know, your depression is not your fault.
You are depressed not because you are ungrateful, or because you are not *~choosing~* to be happy, as Pinterest and wellness “experts” may lead you to believe. You are depressed not because you are a lazy person who deserves to feel this way about themselves and about their life.
Karma has nothing to do with your suffering, either. Nothing you have done, no mistakes you have made, no deadlines you have missed are the reason for this thick and hazy fog that has permeated every corner of your life.
No. The truth is this:
Depression does not give a shit about who you are. It has nothing to do with you at all.
Nothing. Nada. Zip. You’re depressed because you have depression. Simple as. It’s a mental illness that is based on a variety of chemical and/or situational factors. It does not discriminate. It can truly happen to anyone. Even those who, on paper, have “best” lives, or are the “luckiest” around. Those with solid jobs and stable relationships and good families and beautiful talents. It does not matter. Depression can and will prey on them, too.
Of course, I understand you may not feel this way. I know what depression says to you, what is has you believing. Depression is much louder than the voice of reason.
It has you convinced that this is all of your fault.
It has told you over and over again that you never do enough, never are enough, and never will be enough. It chides you for staying in bed, when the weight of your covers seems to be enough to keep you under them forever. Depression tells you that your inability to concentrate is simply because you are unintelligent and lack drive. Depression tells you that you are a bad friend, that you are bad at your job, that you have no hope for a better future.
But these are not truths. These are the symptoms of depression. The way a cough is a symptom of bronchitis or a fever can signify the flu, lack of energy and concentration, persistent feelings of hopelessness and despair are all trademarks of depression. These aren’t character flaws. These are the side effects of a mind that is sick.
Now, I understand how hard it is to reach out for help when you think something is your fault. It’s almost impossible to admit you’re drowning when you believe you’re the one who dove into too deep of waters. I sympathize that it is scary to reveal the darkest parts of yourself when you are already so low.
But you must. You must seek help.
There is no reason to go through this alone. There are hotlines and therapists and medicines and websites. There is community. There is treatment.
And most importantly? There is hope.