How do you heal your soul? How do you mend your broken heart? How do you walk on a road that lost its light? How do you prepare yourself in meeting him one day as nothing more than someone who once knew your deepest, darkest secrets? How can that not frighten you?
That’s the thing – no matter how hard you try to avoid it, it will always frighten you. Because you live with that fear until the ghost from your past no longer scares you. You live with that fear until it teaches you. So please do not wait for someone to fix you. Because no matter how appealing the idea of receiving help in putting your broken pieces back together is, it is still your sole responsibility to collect the shattered parts of you and throw them in your shallow pit of old, broken selves.
It is your responsibility to realize that neither time nor the presence of a new partner will truly heal your pain because it’s only you who will. It’s only you who can. You heal you.
The only way to heal is to keep making mistakes until you learn from them. You keep owning them despite the pain, just like how you owned them when you realized that you weren’t with the right person or when you loved at the wrong time. You keep making mistakes until you learn that you may have crashed, either on your own or by entrusting the wheel to someone else, but you acknowledge that you’re still safe, albeit cold, inside your own car.
You heal not by gaining a new person in your life but by losing the ones who once mattered to you. As you encounter closed doors. As you realize that some of the storms that come into your life are meant to stay for quite some time. You heal as you realize the storms’ existence and accept that their purpose of destroying you and your home is for you to understand, to be guided, to change, to learn the meaning of waiting and to mature.
You heal not by finding someone new to love but by loving yourself first. You heal when you stop looking at, blaming, and feeling jealous of other people. You heal by focusing on yourself. You heal when you start looking in the mirror and see the person you want to become — not the person you were, nor the person you could have been.
You heal by acknowledging that the pain you’re feeling right now, no matter how soft or how strong, is significant and valid. And you are entitled to feel it because you matter. Because it’s okay. Because the reason why you’re feeling hurt, mad, or lost is because you’re only human.
The process of healing sometimes won’t make sense. You do it alone and you do it in the dark. You may feel stuck. You may feel overwhelmed. You may feel that nothing is working out. But faith in yourself and in a higher Being does wonders. Someday, when you look back and recall how broken your soul was, you will see that even in defeat you have won and even in loss you have gained, perhaps wisdom, trust, love, friendship, maturity, a sense of self-worth — all of which are far greater than what you had initially hoped for.