A Series Of Things I Will Never Tell You

You came into my life when I least expected. I was uncertain about you at first, but the more I got to know you, the more I liked you.

Everything felt so easy with you. I felt like I could talk to you about anything and you would never judge me. You were the only person I kept constant contact with from the moment I opened my eyes until I went to bed. You were my good morning and my good night.

But then, after a few short months, everything ended. The same way that you came into my life, you left, without giving me an explanation or a reason for the sudden change. Maybe I was moving too close for comfort. Maybe you realized that you weren’t ready to commit. Maybe the timing wasn’t right. Or maybe you came to the realization that I was not the woman for you. Whatever the reason is, just know that you became someone special in the short period of time that I got to know you.

I still think about you, and sometimes I can’t help but fantasize about what could have been. I can’t help to think that we would have been so perfect together. We were so different, but somehow so much alike. Our differences never mattered; on the contrary, I think that being complete opposites is what made us be attracted to each other even more.

There are some things that I don’t think I would ever have the courage to tell you, so instead, I will let these thoughts and emotions out the only way that I know how to: by writing this letter that you may never read.

I will never tell you that whenever I get a notification on my phone, I hope it’s you. I’ll never tell you how I miss getting those good morning, middle of the day, and good night texts that you would send me every day. Every time I saw your name on my phone screen, I could not help but smile. It didn’t matter how shitty my day was, you always had the power to brighten my day.

I will never tell you that I secretly get jealous. I get jealous when I see you talking and flirt with other women. I get jealous because I wish I was still the one that had your attention. How I wish I was the one you only had eyes for.

I will never tell you that I fight my urge to contact you. I deleted your number, I unfollowed you on social media, but little things constantly remind me of you. I find myself typing a message on Instagram just because I want to know how you are doing or what is new in your life. But I stop myself at my tracks. I delete everything that I typed and I just hope that you are doing okay.

I will never tell you that every time I see you, I want to run up to you and hold you. I miss how your arms felt wrapped around me. I miss the forehead kisses. I miss how we would passionately kiss and you would lift me up and I wrap my legs around your torso. I miss your touch, your warmth, and all of you. But I will keep my distance and admire you from afar.

I will never tell you that I have feelings for you. I am not the type of woman that falls easily, but you made it so easy for me to fall for you. At first, it was your good looks that first caught my eye, but after getting to know you a little more, I felt for the man that you are inside. You are genuine. You have a kind heart. You care for others. You are very romantic. You are an old soul that feels lost in the modern world just like me.

I will never tell you that I cried for you behind closed doors. The moment that I realized that you did not feel the same way I did, it hurt me very deeply. I did not take it very well the day that you decided to disappear from my life without giving me an explanation. I was so confused and shocked; I thought we had something good going, and I really thought we were on the same path, but I was wrong.

I will never tell you that I still hope that perhaps one day you will come back. Maybe I was moving too fast and you just weren’t ready. Maybe one day you will realize how good we would be together and decide to give us a try. Maybe you are just trying to get your life back in order, and one day you will come back looking for me when you are ready to build something together.

I will never know why life brought us together to only pull us apart. But I need to face the cold reality that you chose to not be a part of my life, and I must respect that choice. There is nothing that I can say or do to change the reality of things. I wanted more and you did not. I wanted us to be long-term and you only saw me as a girl to keep yourself busy with for a few months.

I am letting go of all the fantasies I had about you. I am letting go of all the memories. I am letting it all out on this piece of paper. I am finally letting you go so I can continue to move forward.

Please take care of yourself. I hope life treats you well, and I hope that one day you find what you are looking for out there.