1. Let him make you laugh.
If there is one thing that men love it’s external validation that they are all that. So much of how men connect with the world is about what is external vs. internal – how they look, how they are perceived, how successful the world thinks they are vs. how they are thinking and feeling. And this is okay. It’s different from women and it’s okay.
Let your man know that he makes you laugh. And laugh often. You are giving him the ultimate validation that he is being appreciated by you, the woman he loves. And the smile that you give him with that laugh? It will make him weak in the knees. And putty in your hands.
Putty is good…
2. Be thankful when he gives.
Men are at their best when they are giving. It’s in their nature. When they give they take care of those they love and this is a primal need for them.
It’s hard for modern men to give because it’s hard for modern women to receive. And often times, when a man does give to a woman she freezes. Either she ignores the giving or complaints that it’s not enough or acts in a way that implies that she doesn’t deserve it.
I have a client whose husband used to buy her jewelry because he knew that she loved it. And she did. Unfortunately, everything he bought her wasn’t to her taste. She would thank him sweetly but then return it for something that she wanted. And every time she did this she hurt him. So much so that eventually he stopped buying her jewelry. And that didn’t make anyone happy.
So be open to your man giving to you, big or small. And thank him for it. You will be glad you did and he will be happy.
3. Don’t be too helpful.
Women are, by nature, caregivers. We long to take care of anyone and everyone, often to the point that we stop doing anything for ourselves and we get resentful and bitter about it. Especially with our spouses.
But men don’t want that! They don’t want us to be TOO helpful.
Don’t get me wrong. Men love having their socks picked up and their laundry done for them. They like not having to buy Christmas presents for the extended family or wipe down the sink. But they do want to feel like they can take of themselves. That they are a contributing member of a couple. Maybe even sometimes the guy in charge.
So let him do his thing. Take care of himself. And maybe even take care of you for a change.
Oh, and one more thing – did you know that when you baby your husband too much he starts to look at you as he does his mother. Do you want him to start equating you with his mother? I didn’t think so.
4. Be a girl.
I know I know. How can I say that in this modern world? Men and women are equal. Women can do everything that men can do and do some of it even better. We are not soft. We are steel. We aren’t going to act like girls.
I get it. But one thing that we can’t ignore is human nature. It is in our biology that men are masculine and women feminine. We each have standard accompanying traits. Men are strong and protective. Women are soft and nurturing. And, no matter what the world says, men and women react to each others’ strength and softness.
So let yourself be a little girlish. Let yourself be soft around your man. Wear dresses. Speak softly. Laugh at his jokes. Make him feel like you need him. Make him feel like a man.
5. Let him know when he finds your ON button.
What do I mean by that? Here is an example:
My ex-husband and I had a “no power cord” rule for all gift-giving occasions. He could not buy me anything that included a power cord. One year, for Mother’s Day, he took a risk and bought me a garage door opener. I LOVED it. I loved it so much that that night he got lucky.
He was delighted and amazed when he realized that he had the ability to make me so happy that he could flip my switch. From then on he worked diligently to find things that he could do that would activate my ON button.
And really, that was a win-win situation for both of us.