Thought Catalog

‘I Don’t Like Planning Ahead’ Is A Bullshit Excuse

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Pablo Heimplatz

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned throughout my dating life is to not judge all on the actions of one. Just because that one girl burned you doesn’t mean every girl will do the same; just because that one guy cheated on you doesn’t mean every guy you meet is waiting to do the same.

Unless there was a pattern behavior by those who have wronged you in the same way that is being exhibited by the person you are currently talking to or seeing, there should be no reason why you don’t give him or her the benefit of the doubt whenever you mind starts to wander.

Then there are times when you are more than within your right to question a given situation. Case in point: Whenever you ask someone what their schedule looks like and they say something to the effect of, “I don’t like planning ahead.”

Bullshit.

People who say they don’t like planning ahead are really just trying to say, “I’d rather not set anything in stone in case something better comes along, but I don’t want to tell you that.” There may be a puddle of knowledge I have about women and oceans of information that I’m utterly clueless about, but one thing I’ve learned is that if a woman wants to see you, she will make it happen. Coming from an average guy, it’s safe to say that it’s the same for the vast majority of men.

I can’t ever recall one of my friends — male or female — gushing (yes, men gush) about this incredible person they met, and then following with, “Eh, I’ll see them again when I see them.” Spontaneity is a wonderful thing, and it’s something we should all embrace at one time or another, but you can still be spontaneous and capable (or at least willing) to commit to any sort of set plans. There’s no reason why spontaneity and organization have to be mutually exclusive.

What’s wrong with making plans on Monday for Saturday, then giving the person a call on Thursday and saying, “Hey, I know we’re on for dinner Saturday, but are you up for a drink tonight?”

If this week doesn’t work for you, you can always plan for next week. There is nothing wrong with having a busy schedule and asking, “How does next Friday work?” But there’s a stark difference between being busy and making an effort and just not giving a shit to even try and make something happen.

Commitment is a choice. People know exactly where their priorities rank, and if they find it too inconvenient to plan a night out with you, it should be a glaring indicator as to how far down of a priority they see you.

It’s a telling sign when that girl who says she doesn’t like planning ahead doesn’t forget that bachelorette party or night out in the city with her girls, or when that guy who says he doesn’t like planning ahead doesn’t forget that trip to Atlantic City or the Giants game with his boys.

When you make plans with someone, it conveys a level of interest to them. It says, “I’m choosing to spend this night with you over everything else that I could be doing.” When you tell them that you don’t like planning ahead, it sends the message that they are nothing but an option or an occasional thought to you. It says, “We’ll do something together if I feel like it and only when it’s convenient for me.”

You don’t deserve someone who cannot be bothered to dedicate one night of their week to you ahead of time. You deserve someone who circles your date on the calendar and is actually looking forward to seeing you again. TC mark

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