You Are Entitled To Know Where You Stand In Your Relationship

If you’ve been seeing someone and you want to have the, “So, what are we?” conversation, bring it up. It doesn’t matter if it’s after one date or one month. You are entitled to know what your relationship is. This is from my weekly podcast, “The Heart Of The Matter” which can be found on SoundCloud and iTunes for free every Monday evening.

Ariana Prestes

Too many of us let unspoken checkpoints and deadlines affect our relationship to the point where we spend more time worrying about whether or not it’s okay to do something at a certain point rather than just enjoying time with our partner.

“When is the right time to ask them out?”

“When is the right time to ask them what we are?”

“When is the right time to become exclusive?”

“When is the right time to them I love them?”

“When is the right time to ask them to move in?”

“When is the right time to discuss marriage?”

We can get so wrapped up in not wanting to scare off our partner while simultaneously trying to please them that we forget why we call them our partner:

It’s because a relationship is a team effort. Two people work together to keep things going strong.

No one person should ever feel like they are getting less out of the relationship, or that they cannot address something that is on their mind to their partner. If you cannot comfortably broach a subject with your significant other, why would you choose to invest your time, energy, and care into that person?

The first few months are always the rockiest in a relationship because you’re still figuring out your compatibility with one another. Sometimes you’re dating someone who was a perfect stranger just those few months ago, but you hit it off and wanted to see where it went; sometimes you’re dating someone you have known for years, and now you’re trying to see if that friendship translates well into the romantic relationship.

Many of us walk on eggshells in the beginning stages of a relationship because we don’t want to ruin it by doing or saying the wrong thing. We consciously watch every move we make and every syllable we utter out of (an often irrational) fear that one false slip could destroy everything.

If you and the person you have been seeing are taking the, “We’re just going with the flow,” route and don’t want to put labels on anything right away, it can be difficult to talk to them about it once you are ready to take things to the next level (or if you just want to know the parameters of your relationship together).

Sometimes it’s understood that you two are only seeing one another, but that you want to take things slow by not putting any additional pressure on the relationship; but sometimes we fall into the forever-awkward, “We’re casually dating, but it’s not serious and I don’t know if we’re allowed to see other people,” limbo stage of dating.

If you’re casually dating someone and they are the only person you want to see, they should know that.

More importantly, you should tell them that. If all goes well, they were thinking the same thing and you just happened to beat them to the punch; if it doesn’t, at least they know how you feel and you will now be in a position to act accordingly.

If they are the only person you want to see and they don’t feel the same way, you can either wait it out or cut your losses. If there is someone else who has piqued your interest, now you will at least know you can pursue that option with a clean conscience.

In this day and age where people are so quick to tell you everything you are not entitled to in life, let me remind you of three things you are — and will always be — entitled to in love:

1. You are entitled to know what your relationship is.

2. You are entitled to know where you stand with the person you are seeing.

3. You are entitled to walk away if your relationship does not make you happy or if it becomes unhealthy in any way, shape, or form.

If you want to know what your relationship is, ask. If they say they don’t want to talk about it, it could very well be the answer you needed to hear. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Mike is a New York-based writer and admitted hopeless romantic. If Ted Mosby and Carrie Bradshaw had a son, it would be him. When he’s not writing about love, dating, and relationships, he’s working his actual job as a sports reporter and columnist.

Tune into his podcast, “Heart Of The Matter” here.

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