I’ve Been Back On Tinder For Less Than A Week And I Already Regret It

If it were not for my best friend being in town, there would no chance in hell that I would be back on Tinder. It’s been less than a week since I re-downloaded the “location-based social search mobile app that facilitates communication between mutually interested users,” — which is basically a more eloquent way of saying “dating app” — and I already regret it.

Granted, there is nothing and nobody forcing me to be on there, but I do want to do whatever I can to show him a good time while he’s back. I’ve always preferred Bumble to Tinder, but it wasn’t until re-downloading the latter last week that I truly understood why.

For one, at least Bumble markets itself as a dating app, whereas Tinder — which has a flame for dot over the “i” in its name — does the non-denial denial by trying to come off as a community connector. You’re expecting people on either app to be there for some level of social interaction — be it causal drinks, a date night, a one- night stand, a fling, or a serious relationship — but those on Tinder can at least hide behind the excuse of, “It’s not technically a dating app,” if they are not looking for any of the aforementioned items.

Being on Tinder and saying that you’re not looking for anything is like walking around the store with hangers full of clothes lined along your arm and then telling the sales representative, “What makes you think I’m buying something?”

It’s implied. You’re entitled to want whatever it is you want out of the app, even if that’s nothing whatsoever; but even if that were the case, why download the app in the first place?

For many, it’s free marketing for their social media accounts. Girls post their sexiest and most provocative photos in their profile, then post nothing but their Instagram handle in their bio. Being that I’m from New York, where people will charge you to wait in line for them, I’m not one to knock someone’s hustle. If you’re an aspiring model or a gym trainer who wants to boost your brand, then by all means, go get your piece of the pie; but if you just want more likes on your #SelfieSunday photo, it comes off as desperate and shallow.

If all you want is more attention, you probably need a dog — not Tinder. Every time I go on a Tinder hiatus and then come back, it’s like going back to that ex you know is no good for you. You start out optimistically thinking, “This time will be better!” and then before you know it, you’re sitting on the couch rolling your eyes thinking, “Why did I think this time would be any different?”

I can’t speak as to what women go through dealing with men, but I know for a fact that many of us are shameless savages with no fucks to give, so I know they are also feeling the struggle. Women probably have the same cringeworthy reaction to seeing, “Not looking for anything serious,” in a guy’s bio as men do to seeing, “I’m not even sure why I’m on here,” in a girl’s bio.

If you’re not sure of what you want (but you know you want something), there’s nothing wrong with testing the waters and to find out what situation you would be most comfortable in. If you know that you want nothing at all and you’re just on the app because it gives you something to do during down time, please do everyone a favor and just delete it.

I’ll be off Tinder within the next six weeks, which will be the longest I’ll have to put up with some of the fuckery that comes with the app; but there are many people out there who stay on the app genuinely hopeful that they can meet someone. They deserve better.