This Is Why You Lost Her

Something is off. You’re not quite sure what it is, when it happened, or why it feels like something has changed, but something is off.

She is different. She’s not the same fun-loving girl you fell for, and she’s not the same ray of sunshine that brightened even your darkest days. She has become more reserved, and she has offered no explanation as to why.

She still touches you, but she no longer feels you. She looks at you, but she no longer sees you. She talks to you, but she no longer communicates with you. She’s with you, but she is no longer present with you.

You’ve lost her.

You think it’s the beginning of the end, when the truth is that it ended long ago.

It ended when you weren’t looking, and it ended when you weren’t paying attention.

It ended when the minutes to respond to your text message turned into hours. It ended when she stopped initiating the conversation with you. It ended when enjoying each other’s company turned into uncomfortable silence. It ended when she stopped telling you what was on her mind because you stopped asking.

You were hearing her, but you stopped listening to her. The silence became commonplace. It became home. It became normal. You thought the silence meant that she had nothing to say, when it was actually screaming at you that something was wrong.

You told her you loved her, but you stopped showing it.

You were careless with her love, her time, and worst of all, her heart. You grew complacent with her. You left her starving, emotionally, and fed her sparingly. You forgot that love must be maintained and tended to every single day, not sporadically.

You forgot that you have to love her when you’re tired. You forgot that you have to love her when you had a bad day. You forgot that you have to love her when you’re angry. You forgot that you have to love her when she’s angry. You forgot that you have to love her when it’s difficult to love her.

That’s how you lost her.

When you look over at her, all you’re seeing is the shell of the woman who used to be there. She’s gone. She didn’t change — you did; you were just too blind to see it.

The change you see in her is nothing more than the side effect of your emotional neglect.

It will likely crush you when she ultimately leaves for good, and understandably so. It will be a sad day, and a sad occurrence. But what will be even sadder is that you either didn’t see it coming, or that you did nothing to try and prevent it.

That’s why you lost her.

And when that day comes, it will truly be your loss. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Mike is a New York-based writer and admitted hopeless romantic. If Ted Mosby and Carrie Bradshaw had a son, it would be him. When he’s not writing about love, dating, and relationships, he’s working his actual job as a sports reporter and columnist.

Tune into his podcast, “Heart Of The Matter” here.

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