Why You Need To Keep Your Dating Standards High

Hugo Coelho
Hugo Coelho

I have a confession to make: Every time someone has asked me, “What’s your type?” or “What do you look for in a girl?” I’ve lied to them… kind of.

I do say that I don’t really think I have a type, physically, which is true — I’ve dated 5-foot-9 brunettes, 5-foot-2 blondes, girls with curves and meat on their bones, and girls who were rather petite — but I absolutely have a type when it comes to the total package of a girl, and that I never reveal.

When it comes to a girl I want to see somewhat regularly or exclusively, I have high standards. There are a number of boxes I would like a girl to check off before I decide if she’s worth my time and effort, which can come off as narrow-minded on the surface, but the thing is that I don’t feel any of them are that outlandish: gainfully employed, college educated, independent, outgoing, good family background, kind-hearted, wants to eventually get married and have children, and a good sense of humor are the main points.

They are also not requirements, which I feel is an important note. My ex-girlfriend found a great job while in college and never graduated; one of my ex-girlfriends had a long line of convicts in her family; exceptions can be made, but these are traits that are important to me.

Everyone has preferences, whether they admit it or not, but they’re more of the topping to your sundae than the flavor itself.

Blondes have an effect on me that is akin to someone kicking the back of your kneecap when standing straight, but that doesn’t mean I shun brunettes, redheads, or girls with jet-black hair.

You should never consider something a person cannot control — eye color, height, skin color — to be a deal-breaker. There’s nothing wrong with preferring one thing over another, but never giving someone a fair shake just because they aren’t your ideal physical match is a bit shallow.

I hold high standards for the woman in my life because I hold extremely high standards for myself, and I believe that a woman is a reflection of the man she is with and vice versa.

I want someone I can be proud to bring around friends and family, just as I want to be someone she can be proud to be out in public with.

High standards are a good thing, in both life and love. It means that you expect more and are not likely to settle for less. If I set high goals for my career, I will rarely be content with the role I’m in or not striving to achieve more.

Writing and having a book published was a lifelong goal of mine, and I did it at 26. Now my goals have changed. I want to write more books, or at the very least write one that lands on a best-seller list. Always wanting more is not a bad thing so long as you learn to appreciate what you do have while you have it. If I never publish another book, I won’t look at my life as a failure; I’ll look back to the one I did have published and take pride in that.

I’m always going to want to make more money, regardless of what my salary is, but if my family is taken care of and I have enough so that I can provide everything they need and most of what they want, every penny after that is just gravy.

If I am, for lack of a better term, “selective” with the woman in my life, chances are that she will be someone I won’t have second thoughts about.

I know that I eventually want to end up married, and I understand that if you’re going to spend the rest of your life with someone, it better be with someone you enjoy spending time with.

It’s often said that the person you end up with in life is your partner, but I don’t think people ever take the time to really focus in on that word. A partner is not just someone who is along for the ride, standing next you; a partner is helping you along the way, sharing in your successes and helping you through your failures. I want someone who not only makes me a better man, but makes me want to be a better man.

Don’t apologize for having high standards. If it makes your road trip to finding love a little bit longer, don’t fret. It’s better to take your time are arrive at the destination you wanted than stop at the first attraction you see along the way and quickly find out it’s not what you hoped for.Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Mike is a New York-based writer and admitted hopeless romantic. If Ted Mosby and Carrie Bradshaw had a son, it would be him. When he’s not writing about love, dating, and relationships, he’s working his actual job as a sports reporter and columnist.

Tune into his podcast, “Heart Of The Matter” here.

Keep up with Mike on Instagram, Twitter and mikezacchio.com

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