We Need To Stop Looking For Signs To Justify Our Feelings

 Giulia Agostini
Giulia Agostini

Whenever we find ourselves treading water to stay afloat in the oceans of love, we have a tendency to look for “signs” as a proverbial life raft instead of trying to swim to shore without assistance. It’s easier to have faith that something out there will help us along instead of persevering alone.

Anything that can be perceived as a “sign” is nothing more than a happy coincidence that you are subconsciously using as an excuse to justify feeling one way over another or choosing one course of action over another.

Deep down, we all know what we want to do when it comes to matters of the heart, yet we still feel the need to seek out any source of validation before pursuing forward.

Much like the “red car syndrome” on the road (i.e. seeing red cars once you start looking for them), we can shoehorn any obscure occurrence into a sign of divine intervention if we really want to:

“A Beatles song just came on the radio, and they love The Beatles… it’s a sign!”

“We’re both born on the 18th… it’s a sign!”

“Our horoscopes say we’re soul mates… it’s a sign!”

“The character in the movie I’m watching has their name… it’s a sign!”

If we go looking for signs, we’ll see them all around us; that doesn’t mean they’re actually signs or that some power from beyond is subtly whispering in your ear that you’re on the right track.

Our hearts know what they want, or at least they think they know what they want at the time. Instead of waiting for something to show or tell us that we should make a move, we should just do it. All we’re doing by waiting is delaying the inevitable or waiting for an excuse to hold us back. Neither is a justifiable reason.

As a hopeless romantic, it’s hard to me to even grasp this concept.

To show you how skewed your mind can get from looking for signs let me provide you with this completely true, completely embarrassing, and completely asinine real-life example: I love Gossip Girl, and identify with about 90 percent of Dan Humphrey’s make-up (including an infatuation with Blake Lively); when I shot pool on a first date with a girl I was crazy about — like Dan and Lively’s character did in the show — and had an incredible time, I legitimately thought the two were correlated.

Again: completely true, completely embarrassing, and completely asinine. Let my example be, in addition to an amusing anecdote during to your reading experience, a cautionary tale that nothing is destined to happen a certain way just because you found something that makes it seems that way.

The only directions we should follow on the road to love are the ones given by our heart, because they’re the most genuine.

Even if we get led on the wrong path, it’s better to trust ourselves than everything else surrounding us. We’re always going to want to do what our instincts are telling us anyway, so why fight it?

Fortune favors the bold and the brave, so trust in your gut and make it happen. At the very least, shoot your shot. This way, your success or failure is purely in your hands and you have nothing else to give credit to or place blame on.Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Mike is a New York-based writer and admitted hopeless romantic. If Ted Mosby and Carrie Bradshaw had a son, it would be him. When he’s not writing about love, dating, and relationships, he’s working his actual job as a sports reporter and columnist.

Tune into his podcast, “Heart Of The Matter” here.

Keep up with Mike on Instagram, Twitter and mikezacchio.com

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