Stop Worrying About ‘What You Are’ And Just Enjoy Being Together


Part of the reason I hate dating is because I suck at it.

If, by some miracle, I manage to crack the code to the correct algorithm of when to text them back, how often to see them, what to say to them, etc., there eventually comes a point where something happens that will make one of my friends go, “So, are you guys like serious now? Because that’s like a boyfriend-girlfriend thing to do.”

I’ve always done “the boyfriend thing,” which is part of the reason I suck at dating.

I want the girl to spend the night, I want to cuddle with her, I don’t have a problem with her meeting my friends (most of the time), and I certainly don’t have a problem telling her I miss her if I miss her.

Apparently all of those things (and more) are trademarked under the Boyfriend Code of Conduct, which I apparently never read.

In casual dating, you’re not supposed to do anything that could “send the wrong signal” or “give off the wrong vibe” to the other person. Personally, I don’t believe in any of that because I don’t think there should be such thing as wrong signals or vibes.

The only time I consider something I do to be “a boyfriend thing to do” is if we’re actually dating exclusively. Anything else is either normal (in my eyes), or a kind gesture. I’m not really sure who decreed that certain acts are designated solely for those who have exclusively committed to one another.

I’m casually dating someone now because she has her own life to sort out, and I’ve got my own life to worry about. We’re cool with what the situation is. Neither one of us seems to be in a place for a relationship, so we don’t see the need to press the matter.

She spends the night.

We cuddle.

She’s met my friends.

I tell her I miss her when I miss her.

I don’t see how any one of those mean we should be in a relationship, nor do I see why it should be anyone’s business what we are.

Too many of us are concerned with our image in unhealthy ways, and instead of living in the moment of our own lives we worry about how others can live vicariously through our social media accounts.

I invited her to be my date at my college alumni ball this weekend.

While part of me can easily see how outsiders would think, “That’s only something you’d bring your girlfriend to,” there’s part of me that doesn’t understand why they have that logic, or why I even care what they think.

I went with my best friend (a guy) to last year’s ball, and I went to high school prom with a platonic friend (who had a boyfriend); what’s wrong with bringing someone simply because you enjoy their company and because you want to share the experience with them?

Why do we always have to make something a bigger spectacle than it actually is? Why do we feel the need to care so much about what’s going on in other people’s lives? We should focus on making ourselves and the people we’re involved with happy before worrying about appeasing others.

If you want to do something for or with someone else and you’re worried that it might give off the wrong vibe to the person you’re with, it probably means you two aren’t doing a good enough job communicating with one another.

If someone is doing something that is making you question whether or not they want something more than what you currently have, pull up your big boy or girl pants and ask them.

If you’re concerned with trying to gauge what the situation is with two people based on how they act with one another, then you should probably mind your own damn business.Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Mike is a New York-based writer and admitted hopeless romantic. If Ted Mosby and Carrie Bradshaw had a son, it would be him. When he’s not writing about love, dating, and relationships, he’s working his actual job as a sports reporter and columnist.

Tune into his podcast, “Heart Of The Matter” here.

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