It could be that I’m in that group of people that prefers a flat-out rejection to being “let down easy,” but one of the most confusing (and frankly, annoying) things about dating for me is asking a girl out, her accepting, exchanging numbers, and then said date never happens.
I’ve always wondered why some women do this. (Yes, I know the majority of the reason is because they don’t want to hurt your feelings or be put in the position of just telling a guy, “No, thank you.”) But I wanted more insight as to why women do this, so I asked:
Morgan, 30: “MOST of the time I give my number out to somebody, it’s because I’m really flattered. But then I get bored or realize I’m not actually interested.”
Trisha, 28: “I can change my mind! Just because I give you my number one night, doesn’t mean I’m obligated to text you.”
Samantha, 27: “I feel bad. They were nice, and I’m a terrible liar.”
Sophia, 24: “Sometimes I’m intoxicated enough to think there’s a chance of some type of friendship happening. Sobriety usually brings about the reality of the situation. Also, I hate giving out a fake number. I’m not a spiteful person and I’d hate to accidentally involve someone else.”
Amanda, 22: “I usually don’t do this, but if a guy were pushy, I’d give him my number to please him if he risked my personal safety.”
Kylie, 26: “A lot of times, if you give someone your number they’ll instantly call you. So if you’ve given a fake number, it causes more problems than just staying silent after the fact. And even nice guys can — and have and will — turn into total jerks after being told, ‘No.’ So oftentimes it’s way easier to just go radio silent than deal with a whiny drunk guy who can’t deal with rejection.”
Colleen, 27: “Usually I won’t give someone my number unless there’s a specific reason like if we have mutual friends or common interests and it might be useful to have them as a contact. Then, somehow, I make it clear whether I’m willing to cross over that ‘formality’ or not and actually start something more-than-platonic. Usually if a guy just says, ‘Can I get your number?’ I’m more likely to say no.”
Nancy, 31: “Back when I was in the dating world, I felt like I didn’t have a choice. I was passive and I didn’t want to appear like a ‘frigid bitch,’ etc. I figured it was easier to just hand out the number when being confronted and slink off to the sidelines after everything was said and done.”
Melissa, 26: “If it’s a guy I’m really, really not into because I can’t think of a fake number, I just give my real one. But realistically, when a guy asks, I feel like I’m super rude if I say no. #PersonalProblem”
Kelly, 23: “Drunk and in the moment I’m like, ‘Oh, he’s cute. Yeah, here’s my number,’ but then I’m like, ‘Wait, why?’ the next morning.”
Theresa, 21: “I see no reason why I should give a fake number. If I don’t want your call, I just politely say, ‘No.’”
Here’s A Guy’s Take:
Every woman has the right to reject you, and you should respect that. I’m a nice guy, but I’m also realistic to the fact that just because you’re nice to her, you are in no way entitled to her number or, well, anything.
I do believe that if a guy has the courage to ask you out, you do at least owe him the courtesy of an honest answer. Maybe that ideological of me, but I also don’t think it’s an unreasonable request or expectation.
If you know from the jump that you don’t want anything with this guy, you should turn him down then and there. He’s going into it knowing there’s a shot at rejection. As long as he’s respectful in his approach, there’s no reason why you can’t politely curve his advance. It’s one thing to legitimately change your mind, as Trisha said, but I think that intentionally sending mixed signals and false information is just wrong. That’s just my opinion.
If he’s too pushy, do whatever you need to do to defuse the situation immediately. If you feel that your safety is in danger, leave if you can or were thinking about heading out soon. If you planned to stay, find security or get someone in charge’s attention and address the situation. No one should ever feel that they’re health is in danger when they go out, especially if you’re a girl who just happens to not be interested in some guy.
It sucks that there are guys out there who don’t take, ‘No,’ for an answer or even make a woman feel uncomfortable, physically, but the reality is that they’re out there. Maybe it’s their actions that cause some women to treat all guys as if they were that way. I just think that there’s always a way to turn a guy down without crushing his soul or getting his hopes for nothing, intentionally.