I’m sure there are three types of people who clicked on this article: (1) Women who said, “Oh hell no, I have to see what this crap is about,” while smirking in frustration; (2) Women who are actually curious as to what the article is going to say; (3) Men who want to see if these are true.
The goal of this article is to help girls who may have difficulty finding or keeping a man around by addressing some things they may or may not know they are doing. Granted, a lot of these can be applied in the reverse (guys to girls), but I’m just basing this off of my experience with girls as a guy.
1. Holding everything in.
If something is bothering you, speak. Even the brightest guys aren’t mind readers; so if you have something to say, say it. It doesn’t necessarily need to be something you’re mad at us for, but if there’s something going on with work, school, family, friends, or if you’re just having a really bad day, talk to us. Not only will you feel better for letting it out, but you’ll make the guy in your life feel more appreciated that you wanted to talk to him, as well as make him more sane for actually knowing what it is that’s bothering you now.
You being frustrated with something (even if it’s us) and doing nothing about it helps no one. You’ll stay pissed off and we’ll get upset that we can’t help you (even if we’re the problem). Of course, this doesn’t only apply to negative feelings; if you’re worried about something in your life or are curious about something in his, talk to him. He’ll appreciate you asking his opinion and/or taking an interest in his life.
Whether you’re just friends, hanging out, hooking up, dating or in a relationship, healthy communication will make whatever your situation is, healthier.
2. Saying what you think (or know) we want to hear, but not believing it.
Whatever your morals or beliefs may be, stick to them. It can be as simple as “agreeing” that you can’t stand One Direction, even though every time ‘Kiss You’ comes on the radio you’re belting out, “Yeah-aye-ee-yeah-aye-ee-yeah!” It can also be something more serious like pretending that you’re OK with him not being the brightest bulb in the box when you want a well-educated man.
I had a girl say that she wanted to have a threesome, yet after months of trying to put things into motion, it seemed like she really wasn’t all that interested in the idea, even though she was the one who mentioned it… and kept mentioning it. I’ve gone nearly 26 years without a threesome and I’m sure I can make it through the rest of my life without one; but I’m not going to lie and say that, if the offer is on the table, I’m not going to try and pursue it.
Obviously that’s an extreme example, but hopefully you get the gist of it.
3. Assuming all guys want is sex, 24/7/365.
I’m now realizing that this may not have been the best point to put after the one with a ‘threesome’ example, but oh well. Yes, if a guy is talking to you, there is a 90 percent chance that he would like to sleep with you; but that doesn’t mean he’s trying to do it that night. When he tells you that he wants to take you out, maybe he really does want to take you out and show you a nice time. Maybe he just wants to see you. Stop taking every invitation out as code for, “I am trying to have sex with you as soon as humanly possible.”
4. Complaining that there are no “good guys” or “gentlemen” left.
Stop. There are plenty of good guys out there; you just haven’t met them or have been overlooking them. Yes, the “good guy” may be the quiet, shy guy who doesn’t talk as much as the macho loudmouth, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t exist.
He was probably the guy who held the door open for you as you walked right past him and maybe threw a “Thanks,” without looking. He was probably the guy who gave you a napkin when your drink spilled and you threw a “Thanks,” without really looking. He’s the guy who probably asked you to dance — and actually wanted to dance, not grind — but you turned down because you assumed, “Would you like to dance?” meant, “Would you mind if I rub my crotch against your backside for the next three minutes?”
5. Looking for a flaw.
(I guess these three — Nos. 3-5 — are all relative, in order, now that my mind is feeding off each point.) If you do find that nice young gentleman you’ve been looking for after all these years, stop assuming that there’s actually something wrong with him. This is sometimes referred to as the, “He’s too good to be true,” scenario. “Is he talking to someone else?” “Does he secretly have a girlfriend?” “Does he have kids?” “Does he do drugs?” “What if he’s really unemployed?” “What if he has something?” “How can he be this good and single?!”
It’s like finally getting a reservation at that restaurant you’ve always wanted to go to and then criticizing everything from the décor, to the service, to the food. Rather than look for the imperfections, just enjoy yourself. If he really has flaws — any deal-breakers, that is — they will come to the surface, believe me.
6. Using the term “creep” so loosely.
For guys, substitute “creep” for “crazy” and apply it accordingly. Whether you realize it, labeling someone a creep — especially someone who isn’t one — is a demoralizing thing to do. If the guy really is a creep, by all means, call him out on it; but if you’re using the same term to describe that guy, as you are the guy who said, “You’re beautiful, would you care to dance?” you really need to expand your vocabulary and your way of thinking.
The only thing worse than calling a guy a creep to his face is spreading the word around town that he is a creep and now casting him as something he may not be because you weren’t feeling him. Most of my friends are girls and I know that they hate it when guys throw around the “crazy” word like peanuts at a ballgame.
Just as guys can mistake you actually showing interest as “crazy,” girls can misconstrue the same thing as being “creepy.” Until you have definitive proof that he qualifies as a creep, please hold off on using it.
7. Acting dumb.
It’s a shame whenever a girl feels like she has to “dumb herself down” to impress a guy. Whether you’ve done it yourself, or seen it, you know it’s not a good look. Hey, some guys may like a girl who is more beauty than brains, and that’s fine; but if the guy you’re into is one of those guys, don’t ever lower yourself to fit his “type.”
If you’re a bright, well-educated young woman, be proud of that; don’t pretend to be something you’re not. A man who is intimidated by a woman’s intelligence isn’t the man you should be with.
8. The “take a hint.”
Ladies, we — as men — know that you probably get hit on a lot. We also know that it can range from, “I’m into this guy,” to, “He’s nice, but I’m just not that into him,” to, “Ugh, get him away from me.” I say this with no irony whatsoever, but I’m sure it’s exhausting. (For the guys sighing right now, think about it: Going out and constantly getting chatted up when all you want to do his have fun. It can get tiresome after a while.)
When it comes to letting a guy down, most of you want to be nice about it (and we appreciate that; it’s not easy asking a girl out, despite what you may think). However, please stop assuming we’ll “take the hint,” and just give us a, “No.” I can almost promise you that whatever you think we’re thinking, we’re not.
If you want to be nice about it, a simple, “No, thank you,” somewhere in your response will do just fine. Because we’re guys, we don’t know if you’re actually interested and there are extenuating factors working against the two of you; if you’re actually interested, but you want to see how persistent we are; or if you’re actually not interested and you just don’t want to be mean.
Just speaking from my own personal preference, I would much rather prefer a, “No thanks,” over any kind of runaround. We’re big boys, just tell us like it is.