14 Struggles Of Being A Skinny Guy

If you were born with a ridiculously fast metabolism or just a genetically slim frame, then you’ve surely encountered some variation of many or all of these struggles…

1. Everyone asks if you’re vegetarian “or something.” So, because I’m skinny, that means there’s no way I eat meat or I must be on some kind of weird diet. Personally, I am a ridiculously picky eater, so this one actually kind of applies to me; but I know plenty of wiry folks like me who are human garbage disposals.

2. Nobody believes you when you say you’re not hungry. Believe it or not, it is possible for skinny people to not be hungry. Our stomachs are smaller than the average person, and so they fill up faster. Granted, ours can expand more, but sometimes we’re actually full.

3. People will still insist on serving you food… even if you say you’re full. I love my best friend’s parents, but I joke with him that I hate going to their house because his mom always asks if I want something to eat… and keeps asking… and keeps asking. If you’re with your own family, you’re in worse luck. If you’re Italian, fuhgedaboudit.

4. People regularly suggest that you workout or join a gym. Have you ever thought that maybe I like my body the way it is? Maybe I don’t want to be a neck-less meatheat who looks like he’s going to Incredible Hulk out of his shirt. Not for nothing, this is also highly offensive. You wouldn’t tell someone who is a little or moderately overweight, “Hey, have you ever considered just dropping like 10 pounds? You’ll look a lot better.”

5. At some point, a girl has told you that she is afraid she will “break” you during sex. Us skinny folks can hold our own — figuratively, and literally.

6. Speaking of that, depending on your age, you’ve probably been compared to DJ Qualls or Jay Baruchel at some point (or regularly). If you’re tall and/or in your mid-to-late-20s, you’ve probably gotten Qualls a few times. If you’re in your early-20s or younger, you’ve probably gotten Baruchel. I’ve gotten both. (Fun fact: Me and Baruchel are actually the same height and weight.)

7. Speaking of Qualls (and No. 5), everyone thinks that you look like this while having sex.

8. You dress in layers just to look normal. Wearing no undershirt is just unacceptable. One must wear a guinea-tee (or tanktop; just stop calling them wife-beaters, please) under any other shirt. If you can throw on the old tanktop, t-shirt and button-down combo, jackpot.

9. You also buy slim-fit jeans because they feel and look more normal. My life seriously changed the day I bought my first pair of slim-fit jeans. Skinny guys, if you haven’t done this yet, trust me — get on it. Just make sure they’re slim-fit, not skinny jeans. There’s a massive difference.

10. People doubt you have any athletic ability whatsoever. OK, I can understand football or lacrosse, but baseball or basketball? Plenty of skinny guys have proved they can ball (shout-out to Tayshaun Prince) and baseball can be played at any size. The perk of this is that they’ll underestimate you; so if you do have talent, you’ll appear even better than you really are.

11. Even if it’s not that cold out, you’re still colder than everyone else. “Dude, are you blowing on your hands?” said your friend, in a t-shirt. “Um, no, I was just yawning,” you reply, in a jacket, lying your scrawny ass off.

12. People suspect you’re keeping a drug problem from everyone else. “How can you be 25 and that skinny?! Do you have a coke problem you’re not telling us about? You know we’re here for you if you ever need to talk to us.”

“Uh, no.”

13. You fear getting sick because you know it means you’re probably going to lose weight. I’ve never weighed more than 150 pounds in my life. I’ve gotten into the high-140s three times — during two of those periods, I got sick and lost about 10 pounds instantly. Awful. I’m at 147 now and perfectly healthy.

14. And the looks you get when trying to buy condoms… The reactions you’ll get from some people are a struggle in itself.