The song “Rude,” by Magic! is the perfect example of falling in love with a song you really shouldn’t fall in love with. It’s catchy, and deceptively sweet, but if you really listen to the words, it’s really not all that sweet. The guy asks his girlfriend’s father for permission to marry his daughter, but when he is repeatedly turned down, he replies, “I’m gonna marry her anyway.” I know it’s a song, not real life, but I thought about it. (Quick note: I absolutely love this song, it just triggered my reminder to write this article so I based the lede off of it.)
Yes, if you repeatedly ask the father for his permission to marry his daughter and he repeatedly turns you down (depending on the gaps between when you asked last), you’ll likely consider just marrying her anyway. Still, it’s worth it to wait for his blessing; and that’s what you should be asking for in the first place — his blessing, not his permission.
As long as you’re not a complete slacker and/or as long as her father’s not a complete dick, no father will deny a man permission to marry his daughter, who is obviously smitten by him. In any case, you really don’t need his permission to marry her; but it would be nice to have his blessing.
I’m sure many guys out there don’t do this, but I often think about what my engagement will be like; not like a teenage girl planning out her dream wedding or anything like that, just things like: Will it be big and bold? Will it be a subtle surprise? I still have no idea what I would do. Being a karaoke lover, maybe I’ll serenade her to some Michael Bublé (or a favorite love song of hers that I won’t totally butcher) before popping the question right there; maybe I’ll map out one of those scavenger hunt deals; I don’t know.
The only thing I am absolutely positive of is that I will ask her father (or closest male relative) for his blessing in marrying his daughter (or niece, sister, etc.). Obviously I’ll also make sure her mother is OK with it as well. I was raised with old-fashioned values, and so that moment will mean almost as much to me as actually asking my girlfriend to marry me. I come from an extremely large, extremely close Italian family, so respecting elders was one of the earliest, and most important, lessons I learned. Hell, I even asked my high school girlfriend’s father for permission to ask her out before I “popped the question” to her.
If and when the time comes, I’m sure he won’t reject my request, but you never know. The only logical reason I could see that happening is if he thought we were rushing into things. If that were the case, I’d probably still propose to her, but tell him that we’ll wait until he felt enough time had passed. For those arguing, “It’s your relationship; you’re adults; get married when you want,” you have a point. But like I said, I value family very deeply and doing something against her father’s (and her mother’s) wishes would make me extremely uncomfortable. I’m sure my girlfriend would also want her father to be happy for her on her wedding day.
Besides, if two people really love each other and if they want to spend the rest of their lives together, they don’t need to be married to do so. People go decades without so much as an engagement because their love is enough. I totally respect that, but I want to get married and I want everything entailed with it: getting her father’s blessing; planning the wedding together; watching her father walk her down the aisle and then give her away; her taking my last name; all of it.
If we really love each other and if she knows me as well as I hope she will, she’ll know how important it is to have her father’s blessing and will want to wait. If we’re planning to spend the rest of our lives together, what does a little while longer matter? We love each other — and if we plan on spending the rest of our lives together, neither time, nor a piece of paper, will change that.