An Open Letter To Virgins


The summer is approaching and the warmer weather has already started poking its head into our weekly forecast, which, for most virgins means no school and plenty of days by the pool or at the beach.

Quick note: I say “most virgins” only because most virgins are usually still in high school or college. Let me say for the record that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin out of college; it’s actually the point of this post.

If you are a high school teen or college student on break, the summer will be a great time for hook-ups and/or summer flings. Seeing the cute guy shirtless or cute girl in a bikini will make you (literally) see them in a different light. If you’re thinking that this is the summer when you become a man or woman, just give this a quick read:

For those of you still in school, you probably fall into one of three stages during your sexual metamorphosis: 1. You’re thinking whether or not this is the right time to do it. Some of your friends have started, so naturally, you’re thinking about it as well. 2. Most of your friends have done it and/or are doing it and either it’s just not happening for you or you’re not sure if you’re ready. 3. You feel like you’ve completely missed the boat and that you will die a virgin.

Whatever stage you’re at, I have the same piece of advice for all of you: Don’t worry. The new generation of movies and music are so hyper-sexualized that if you enter high school a virgin, some may view you as a prude. I mean, “S&M” was a No. 1 song on the Billboard charts for Christ’s sake. (Fun side note: I had an 8-year-old request that song while I was working one day. I responded, “No.” She asked, “Why not?” I responded, “Do you even know what that song is about?” She said, “No.” I responded, “OK, well if you go home and play that song for your parents and then ask them to write me a letter saying that they understand the lyrics of this song and they are OK with their 8-year-old daughter listening to it, I’ll play it next week.” She agreed. She didn’t request a song the following week.)

Back to the point at hand. While, as you get older and experience sex more frequently, you may not see it as such a big deal, but you will only have one first time; it should be with someone you have strong feelings for, but more importantly, someone you trust. If you’re a girl, this is especially true. You are sharing your body with this person; if something goes wrong, you could put your health in danger because of this person; on the same note, if something goes wrong, you could potentially conceive a child with this person.

I left high school a virgin and lost my virginity in the early winter of my freshman year of college. Even at 18, I still rushed it. I was jealous of everyone around me for knowing what sexual intercourse was while I could barely get the bra off of a girl; I was embarrassed that they had sex stories to tell while I had to sit and nod along with the conversation, trying to understand. It was stupid and immature, which is exactly my point. The girl I lost it to had a reputation for sleeping around (which was part of the reason my boss encouraged me to talk to her), I didn’t have strong feelings for her and had anything gone wrong, my life would’ve been hell.

Now 25, I’ve only slept with two other girls — both of whom I had very strong feelings for, the latter of which I dated for about two years. I haven’t slept with anyone else in two years for multitude of reasons: (a) she was drunk; (b) she had a boyfriend; (c) most of the other times, it sprung up and neither of us had a condom. I’m not ashamed of the fact that “it’s been awhile,” nor do I feel that I am “wasting my sexual prime,” by not sleeping with as many girls as possible.

And neither should you.

Guys, don’t listen to what your other bros may be saying or doing; worry about yourself. If you feel that you are ready, go for it. If there’s doubt, wait it out; especially if you’re dating someone. If they are a mature individual, they will understand. Gals — especially high school girls — society is going to label the hell out of you (whether you like it or not) and boys are going to judge you, rate you, etc. (whether you like it or not). Like I said to the guys above: worry about yourself.

The guy you share your first time with shouldn’t be because he thinks you have a great rack or a killer ass; he should think you are a beautiful person. If you happen to have a great rack and/or a killer ass, more power to you; but don’t give him what he wants just because he gives you a few compliments.

This is just advice from some wiry 25-year-old Italian guy you have never met, but I hope you at least consider it. If I could do anything to go back in time and change the first person I was with, even if that meant waiting significantly longer, I would. I don’t want anyone living with the regret I have, so I’m passing my advice to you. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Mike is a New York-based writer and admitted hopeless romantic. If Ted Mosby and Carrie Bradshaw had a son, it would be him. When he’s not writing about love, dating, and relationships, he’s working his actual job as a sports reporter and columnist.

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