I don’t think there’s a formula out there for it. I don’t think changing the scent of your room, cutting your hair, or finding a new wave of interests speeds up the process.

Regardless of the time you’ve spent with another human being and how—it hurts. It will always hurt because pushed aside from the insecure sack you carry around, you know you’re worth it. You know you are a good person, with good qualities, and a good head on your shoulders, yet can’t fathom an ending despite vibrate moments. Think about your favorite novel — an ending is inevitable. So here is where your chapter begins, given these few signs:

1. Your goofy stride has come back.

Quite a while has it been since friends have heard that child-like laugh of yours. Even you forgot what it was like to have the pockets of your stomach ache from enjoyment. Not being ashamed of how you may appear to strangers is quite a difficult task. So whether it’s popping cheesy jokes, dancing to however it feels natural or putting on a runway show in the middle of your hallway with clothes you’ve kept since high school, the pride you take in yourself to make light of a dark or awkward situation is admiring to those around.

2. You’re getting out of the house.

After numerous retreats and shitty nights out, one night changes it. Maybe it’s the right group of people, eclectic music, no weirdos disturbing your peace. Whatever it is, one night will have come to full alignment, changing your confidence in a snap. Your fear of going to grab groceries or coffee with your friends or dinner for yourself vanishes, and the little voice that paranoid you of your surroundings suppresses.

3. The grip on your support system has loosened.

Your best friends are no longer urged to come over as soon as possible otherwise your heart will explode. The everyday calls to your parents number down to two a week, becoming their responsibility to reach out since the once unenthusiastic attitude you exuded over the phone, is non-exist. Your coworkers stop showering you with candy and little supportive, motivational notes at your desk, for as showing up to work on your own without any announcement for acknowledgment, is explainable in and of itself. You finally have faith in yourself once again, and everyone’s shoulders can now relax.

4. You learned not to react to everything around you. 

Going through the departure of your person is hard enough. You used to snap at every little thing moving around you, but though your world died, the real world around continued to move. The amount of energy you spent on nit-picking people’s actions, enraged at those who were appeared happier than you fizzle out. There comes a point where your mind clicks, realizing that the amount of energy you put into a negative aspect can equally be put into a positive aspect. Your cheeks stop flaring up, fists unclench, and you walk with a looser stride; plus, how many times can you yell at the idiot not using their turn signal?

5. The random crying fits you encounter have no psychological impact.

You could have a brilliant day, but something about spending a little time alone at your place can send your mine haywire. Oh great, here we go again crying about the past and everything that hurts. The difference now is you know you need to do it, to get out whatever keeps washing up on the shore, for that one day your ocean is clean. You don’t give power to the tears anymore, you don’t even let your friends know because it doesn’t matter. It’s enough to confuse you in the moment, but you leave it to a moment, no bigger than it should become. You found the power to control your mind, which is a rarity among people these days.

6. His or her name doesn’t put you into a panic attack. 

So long as you live, you won’t escape their name. The new person you’re interested in, family members, heck maybe even your boss shares their name. Learning to take five seconds before your mind flashes you with every encounter you had with your person, halts you from adding another mental breakdown on the list. There’s come a point where the syllables don’t matter anymore; you don’t flinch as you have before, no stomach churning.

I can’t say this is the end-all proof that you are on your way to a better road in life without your person, but what I can say is small positive changes in yourself is what you should look out for. You’re not pathetic for taking however long you need, and anyone who says either wise is a jerk or genuinely cares for your movement. You don’t even have to let go completely, so long as you can keeping going through life. Go at things with comfort.