16. datree

When I was in seventh grade, a kid I knew but didn’t really like because I knew he was an asshole comes up to me and says these two girls want to talk to me. One of the girls I thought was kinda cute so I follow him into the part of the field thats out of sight of the recess supervisor. While I started talking to the girl I liked, the other sneaks up from behind me with a piece of dog shit on a pencil and shoves it in my mouth. I pick some of it up throw it at her, then start throwing up my lunch in the field. The supervisor comes up and asks me what happened and if I’m alright and I tell her. I wasn’t the one that typically rats people out and tattle tails but I told ’em all the details. Fuck that girl it was disgusting. So as you probably already know, rumors spread like wildfire in JR. High so stories of me all ridiculous and most along the lines of me voluntarily picking up the poop, eating it and enjoying it.
TL;DR I was known as “poop eater” for the almost four years.

17. FutzBucket

I was friends with this guy in High School, and a few years after graduation he shows up at my house with $38,000.00 in cash. He tells me that his father left him the money to be given when he turned 21, and he asked me what he should do with it. I told him he should either invest it or use it to further his education. He agreed that was a good idea, asked me to hold his money for a day, he took $300.00 of it, and left.

He went to a mutual friend’s house, and when the friend found out he came into money, he asked him to get an apartment with him. He did, and he blew all the money partying for a year. Through the course of this year, he scored a girlfriend.

At the end of the year he had nothing. He didn’t work and he smoked and drank all the money away. His roommate informed him that he was going to get a new apartment with his girlfriend (ditching him now that he’s broke). My friend moved into his girlfriend’s house with her parents.

After about a month of sponging off of them and fighting constantly with his girlfriend, the father comes to him and says, “this isn’t working out. How about we all just agree that this isn’t good for anyone, and you just move out?” My friend begged him to give him 2-weeks to turn this all around. The father assumed me meant he’d finally get a job.

He got his girlfriend pregnant.

The family now fully supports him by buying him a house. Last I heard, he’s still doing nothing while his wife (they got married shortly after she got pregnant) works fulltime as a cook.