You’re a certified college football freak.
Sarah Palin is at least partly your fault.
Your crystal meth isn’t actually blue.
You’re either a hillbilly, or the founder of a failing Etsy shop.
You want to be famous and/or a surfer but you suck at both acting and surfing.
You smoke a ton of marijuana but claim to live where you do because you’re sooooo outdoorsy.
You own at least one CK Bradley belt, a pair of Nantucket reds, or a Lily Pulitzer skort. And yet, you insist you’re not preppy.
For whatever reason you don’t have to pay sales tax. WTF?
You’re old, or some kind of Disney freak.
You think of Atlanta as “the city.”
You’re unemployed, or a runaway.
Your state grows the carb that’s making everyone fat.
You know what the Superbowl Shuffle is and will perform it, too happily, on command.
You’d rather drive a tractor than any other vehicle.
You’ve actually been to the National Balloon Museum.
You get annoyed when people reference the Wizard of Oz.
You resent rather than embrace the reality that everyone associates you with fried chicken.
You’re still whining about Hurricane Katrina.
You consider the cockroach of the sea a delicacy.
You have zero respect for the letter “r.”
You’re obsessed with a sport only Canadians should play.
You’re so nice it’s annoying AF.
You’re actually proud of your “southern values.”
You wear camouflage. To church.
You’re not actually a cowboy.
You’re pretty much responsible for the kernels of corn in everyone’s poop.
You’re just tacky.
You have no personality.
You’re either doused in Axe, or you smell like the armpit of America.
You sincerely believe in aliens and have spotted at least one UFO in the last year or so.
You characterize yourself as “so ambitious” but really you just do a lot of coke and/or pop adderall on the regular.
Your state’s tobacco is directly responsible for several thousands deaths.
You tend to lie about where you’re from because absolutely nothing happens in your state.
You develop an inflated sense of self-importance during every single presidential election.
You know what fried twinkies are. And you enjoy eating them.
You’re either gluten free, paleo, or vegan. And you talk about it. A lot.
You claim you’re “from the city” but secretly live 45 minutes outside of Pittsburgh or Philadelphia.
You’re either bankrupt, or corrupt as fuck.
You only ever shop at Walmart.
You don’t get that Mount Rushmore is interesting for precisely two seconds.
You refuse to listen to anything other than country music.
A large part of your identity is rooted in the fact that you live in the biggest state. Yeehaw, no one cares!
You don’t drink, you show up on time, and you work hard. In short, you’re super boring (and Mormon).
You both eat granola and are granola.
You’re just northern enough to be a little bit snobby, and just southern enough to be a little bit racist.
You believe in Big Foot.
You are living evidence that inbreeding is a bad idea.
You went cow tipping as a teen, and you actually believe that cheddar is a respectable cheese.
National parks, blah blah blah.