I Think I’ve Really Lost You

I remember the day that I met you like it was yesterday. We connected instantly, so how could I ever forget? The more we talked, the more the words just continued to flow as we learned more and more. I thought that I’d never stop talking, and it seemed as though you had no intention of ever doing the same.

Yet now I clench my phone all day and night, wondering when you’ll call. I keep hoping for a text message or some sign that you still care. But most days I’m lucky if I even cross your mind enough for you to send me a screenshot or a meme.

We used to talk for hours on end — what happened? Where did I do wrong? I’m filled with so many unanswered questions that it fills my brain with tons of fog.

Despite the lack of communication, I know one thing for sure: I think this time I’ve really lost you, I’ve lost your love for good.

I remember the first time I saw you cry as well as the first time I saw you scream. You told me that I was the only one who ever understood you — I was the only one who you felt safe enough around to be your true self. I held you close so many times while you let all your feelings out as I told you that I’d always be there to help you and love you through those darker days.

But now I spend the majority of my waking hours in a panic, just wondering if you’re alright. I think about all the ways I used to help you not to mention the ways you helped me. But now you refuse to let me into your mind, and I’m left alone in the dark.

You used to tell me everything… Why’d you stop? Did I say or do something wrong? The fear of the unknown consumes me, and I feel useless and unloved.

I may not know how you’re feeling, but I swear that I know this: I’ve lost what we once had for good, I lost my place inside your heart.

I remember the first time you said you love me. My heart soared as it skipped a beat, so how could I forget? You swore that you meant every word you said and that your love was true. I knew at that moment that I’d finally found that special place, somewhere to safely hang my heart.

Yet now all of our conversations fall flat and there’s an awkward silence at the end. I keep hoping that you’ll whisper those three words just one more time, but if I sit and really think about it, I know that you’ve moved on.

You used to love me — but why’d you stop? What did I do to ruin the only good thing that I had?

I’ve been trying not to say it, but deep down I know it’s true: I think I’ve really lost you. I think we’re over, and it’s time I finally admit the truth.

Writer. Mental Health/Disability Advocate. Mom. Lover of All.

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