The fermented grape stuff your parents used to bring out when the neighbors came over that stained everyone’s mouths red and made them laugh at the weirdest shit? Gross.
The heavenly elixir that saves your life every night after work and that you turn to in good times, and in bad, in sickness and in health? Obsessed.
2. Pungent cheeses.
When you were a kid, camembert was a cheese that oozed in a way that reminded you of Ron Weasley saying, “eghhh, troll boogies.” You could smell it coming to the table from fifteen feet away, and seeing a Stilton bleu cheese and a smelly camembert meant you wanted to scamper out of the room to eat your ice cream in peace.
As an adult, if you’re not brie-obsessed and dying to pair each second of your wine consumption with a delicate fromage d’affinois, you are doing something WRONG.
3. Oral hygiene.
My least favorite thing as a child was the foam that somehow came to be in your mouth when you wet your toothbrush, applied the toothpaste, and then brushed your teeth. Needless to say, this posed a problem for my parents, who were really not trying to pay for a mouth full of cavities. Kids can’t stand flossing, brushing, or setting foot in the dentist’s office.
And yet, as an adult, we brush our teeth obsessively, and I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but flossing is like a massage for your gums.
If your parents ever tried to send you to a therapist as a child, you might have not-so-fond memories of belligerently glaring at an older woman trying to explain your 9-year-old thoughts to you. It was the fucking worst and you likely thought that lady — though I’m sure she was kind and probably good at her job — was kind of gross.
As an adult, therapy is pretty great. Find me another place where you can lay ALL your shit out on the table and feel no guilt whatsoever about piling it on someone else.
5. Fancy jams.
Anything that wasn’t Smuckers as a kid seemed gross.
As an adult, if someone puts fig preserves on a fucking cheese board, you feel like you’re living the life of someone in “Downtown Abbey” and damn, it feels good.
6. Wool socks.
When you’re a kid and someone’s trying to force you into grainy, itchy, prickly socks before going outside, it’s the textural equivalent of nails on a chalkboard.
After the age of 20, coming home and putting on sweatpants, and a thick pair of wool socks when it’s freezing outside, is one of the greatest winter blessings ever.
7. Home Depot.
The smell of Home Depot as a child? Gross AF.
The price of everything you could need for any DIY project at Home Depot? Something you’re totally obsessed with as an adult.
This doesn’t really seem like it merits an explanation.
If a mushroom touched your plate as a child, it elicited roughly the same screech you’d make had you’d just touched hot lava.
But as an adult? Stuffed mushroom caps? Yes. Shittakes in risotto? Yes. Mushroom ravioli? God, yes.
10. Plain tea.
In general, children don’t love tea. The only part of the tea ritual they actually like is the cream and sugar part.
Adulthood opens you up to the wonderful tea world of oolong, peppermint, chamomile, and lavender English breakfast.
11. Incense or candles.
Everything about incense is gross to a seven-year-old. It smells like the inside of a bathroom at a health-food store.
And yet as an adult, burning things just to smell them — be it candles or incense — is an integral part of your relaxation process.
Private parts are ewwwwww when you’re a small child. It’s because they don’t understand the magic of what lady parts can do.
Had we known the truth as little kids, we might not have made fun of people for having vaginas. And what a world that would have been.
I mean maybe you’re not obsessed with pills as an adult — hopefully — but you love what they offer. The relief of Advil PM on the last night of a cold goes a long way. And birth control is a miraculous invention.
But, as a kid, you didn’t think of learning to swallow pills as the key to one day protecting your body from producing life. You didn’t think of it as the ticket to Xanax. You just thought the bodily function of swallowing pills was gross.
The $1 oyster craze is in full swing in every major city and it is a truly glorious time to be alive. When you’re under the age of 15 (give or take a few years), the concept of eating raw, slimy, gray blobs sitting in seawater seems, understandably, revolting. And yet it’s the most delicious thing in the world.
15. Oysters paired with Vodka.
Oyster shooters. Same logic as #14. 100% not for kids, and yet an almost-holy combination of two things adults love.
16. Hugging your mom goodbye.
As a child, there was nothing more disgusting than your mom kissing your cheek in front of your friends before a sleepover.
Now when you say goodbye to your parents, you just want to give them one more hug and cry because they’re your best friends.
17. Exfoliating masks.
As a kid? Ghost face killer masks.
As an adult? ZEN AND BLISSFUL AF. Kicking back with a face mask and two cucumbers on your eyes sounds pretty good right about now.