1. “I thought I was ready for you, but I wasn’t.”
They didn’t get into the relationship knowing it wouldn’t work, and would end up hurting you. They got involved with you because they wanted to, and then realized they couldn’t give you what you needed, and didn’t handle it well.
2. “You didn’t get an apology because it wouldn’t have been enough.”
Because after stringing you up, down, and sideways, what were they going to say that would actually make you feel better? No words were going to legitimize their shitty excuses, so they balked, and didn’t use any words, or any apologies.
3. “It’s not me, it’s you is bullshit. It was you, but it wasn’t your fault.”
When someone can’t commit to dating you, it’s not because you aren’t amazing SO material. It’s because you weren’t who they wanted — because the person they want is the ex their still hung up on, or someone else’s approval. You weren’t the person they wanted, but nothing you could’ve done would change that. If someone’s still looking back at their ex, you can’t force them to turn their head and only see you.
4. “I can’t commit to you because I can’t even commit to myself.”
If someone can’t commit to you, and care about you wholeheartedly, it’s because they haven’t figured out how to care for or love themselves. They haven’t figured out their surroundings, or what’s going on in their head, and until they sort through it, they can’t give themselves to someone else.
5. “Once we’re over, you don’t need to rationalize my actions, or my decisions.”
You can’t rationalize the irrational, and the sooner you stop trying and let it be, the easier getting over them will be.
6. “It wasn’t fair that I gave you no support in return for all the support you gave me.”
When people are emotionally robbing you, they know it’s wrong, and are doing it anyway. It doesn’t mean they feel no remorse, but they keep coming back to you because they need your support. The minute they say, outright, that they don’t want a relationship, they know you’ll stop nurturing them, which is why they don’t want to tell you it’s not fair. They just want you to keep giving.
7. “I didn’t want to leave the door open because I can’t do this to you all over again.”
They already feel like shit for putting you through a breakup, that you weren’t even allowed to call a breakup because you weren’t “official,” once.
8. “You’re going to find someone else before I will.”
Because they won’t be looking. They will still be on the mend long after you’ve moved on. And if they do get into a relationship after you, it will likely be because they were chasing that person all along, in which case you don’t want to be with someone who saw you as a fall back plan.
9. “I needed to be distracted by you, but you didn’t deserve to get distracted by me.”
Because they took up so much of your time, attention and emotional energy, that now you can’t get back.
10. “You deserved to call me out, but you never got the chance.”
To a certain extent, when someone is using you, it becomes a game to them. They want to see how far they can push, see how much love they can take from you, before you stop them. As long as you’re not telling them to stop, they’ll keep pushing you. They’ll keep asking for more.
11. “I didn’t have an answer to, ‘what changed?” because the problems were building before they surfaced.”
Because things don’t change overnight. When things go from good to bad, it isn’t because someone flipped a switch in the 14 hours you spent apart. Things changed because a problem had been brewing over time, and neither of you wanted to acknowledge it.
12. “Sorry I wasted your time.”
They should never have pretend that they weren’t wasting your time. It’s just a lie that makes them easier to forgive every time they come back to you.