1. That the relationship won’t feel posed, stilted, or fake. She isn’t going for appearances. In fact, keeping up appearances is exhausting. If she’s starting a new relationship it’s because she thinks it’s worth the time and effort, not because it’s good news to report back to her parents.
2. She expects that her new ~romantic interest~ will be attentive, without being overbearing. They won’t leave her behind emotionally, nor should they even leave her stranded in a conversation she doesn’t want to be in.
3. That her partner will make her feel comfortable within their group of friends, ensuring that they’re welcoming her, treating her with respect and not alienating her.
4. She will expect that her new S.O. make a genuine attempt to not just get along with, but be part of her friend group.
5. When there are fights, there needs to be mutual resolutions. Her new boyfriend/girlfriend can’t slink off, be unresponsive or freeze her out for a week as a power grab.
6. Her relationship must create an environment in which she won’t feel guilty for saying what she needs to, pointing out when they’re in the wrong, or just generally having rational feelings.
7. That she will still be in control of her time, her commitments, and her work. If she needs to distance herself now and then for her job, or her sanity, her S.O. will not guilt her into spending time with them, nor will it cause insecurities in the relationship.
8. She’ll never be discouraged from eating off her S.O.’s plate.
9. In terms of becoming “official,” she expects that the commitment will be for reasons other than broadcasting a relationship. She isn’t bogged down with social media concerns because she doesn’t want to get involved in the dramatics that come with pandering to old friends.
10. She should never feel like she’s bothering them when she tries to set plans. She won’t feel guilty for not having any patience for the wishy-washy, play it by ear system.
11. Her partner is expected to believe wholeheartedly in orgasm equality.
12. Her partner won’t be phased if she skips shaving, or if she shows up on Sunday night with a sweatshirt and no bra underneath. That stage in a relationship should be appreciated, not looked down on.
13. She expects that a new relationship will allow for conversations about the future, but she isn’t in a rush to have that conversation. The need for this talk will be inspired by mutual trust, as opposed to jealousy. She will have patience for a partner’s insecurities, but won’t tolerate someone trying to lock her down just to take her off the market and be possessive of her.
14. Her relationship will be equal in terms of doing the dishes, cooking and treating each other.
15. She doesn’t expect the “wow factor” that came with the first few dates. She doesn’t need the facade of nice dinners to stay interested, if she’s being treated well. She’s honestly excited to move passed the “dating” stage.
16. When the relationship is official, she expects that her new boyfriend/girlfriend will not shy away from that title during an introduction, nor will they feel like they need to rationalize the title to anyone.
17. Responsiveness won’t be a concern. There are a lot of things that will take work in making a new relationship last, but fighting to get a response to a text, a phone call, or a request shouldn’t be one of them.
18. That commitment phobia will be shared openly. If things are moving too fast on her end, she will say so, and expects the same courtesy. Rationally explaining why things aren’t quite right will always work better than pushing problems aside.
19. She will not tolerate snide comments in public, or a significant other who second guesses her in front of friends. If there is an issue, they should know to wait until you two are alone, and bring it up calmly.
20. She will never be made to feel embarrassed for making an effort. She will do nice, considerate things for her S.O, but expects that those actions will never be deemed, “too much” and will be received with appreciation. Her effort shouldn’t feel unnecessary, or wasted on them.
21. That her time won’t be wasted and her affection won’t be misplaced. While this is never a 00% guarantee, she is willingly trusting you because she believes you won’t mislead her. When a woman knows her worth, she carefully calculates whether someone new is a worthwhile gamble before committing.