1. You constantly show up to things they ask you to be at, or do favors they ask of you. You wouldn’t even bother asking them to do you a favor because you know they’d have an excuse to get out of it.
2. They’re happy for you, BUT– (Their support always comes with a tainted seal of approval. They expect your unconditional approval, but aren’t the kind of friend who would be excited for you without underhandedly point out problems you might face.)
3. You don’t share all the same interests or agree with everything they say, but you rarely verbalize that because the argument would be a waste of energy.
4. You know a lot about your friend’s family, and ask about them, but aren’t forthcoming about your own family drama.
5. People seek you out for your advice, or because you’re a good listener. You are the go-to friend for more than just a few people, even though you don’t confide in all of them.
6. You assume everyone is as loyal as you are, but often you’re disappointed. You would stick up for your friends, make sure they were invited to other events, stop people from talking behind their back, etc. and it’s obvious they wouldn’t do the same.
7. When you aren’t able to come to an event they invited you to, they insist they need you to be there. When they don’t come to an event you invited them to, you’re relieved that you don’t have to entertain.
8. You always pay.
9. They offer to pay because they feel awful that they spent the entire happy hour date talking about themselves.
10. Re: #8: That never happened. You just day dreamed about it while they were asking for your opinion on whether they should use a period or an exclamation point in the text they were trying to craft.
11. You still have 4-7 friend groups because you’ve been accumulating them for the last 10 years and have absolutely no ability to sever ties. You’re pulled too thin in terms of texts that need responses, plans that were supposed to be made, and people you need to see when you go back home.
12. You are always the one who initiates plans, or willingly provides the details of when and where. It’s like pulling teeth to get them to commit to a location, especially if it’s far from where they work.
13. Even when it seems like you don’t have your shit together, your high maintenance friends make you feel like you’re the most calm, composed person in the world. You end up shelving your problems, so you can make them a life game plan.
14. When you invite them to an event with no immediate appeal, they have plans. When you invite them to an event they want to be seen at, or want to attend for all the other people, they wouldn’t miss it for the world.
15. You’re constantly in transit because gatherings are always across town at wherever is convenient for them. It seems like your schedule is always “more flexible” than theirs, and you always get guilted into meeting at whatever time works for them.
16. It never occurs to them to reach out and ask how your birthday was, how your new job is, or whether you like your new apartment.
17. They don’t make an effort with your significant other. They’ve never bothered to meet or tried to get to know someone you’re dating. A good friend tries to make your new S.O. feel welcome because they’re on your side. A selfish friend doesn’t like that you’re dating someone when they aren’t.