10 Insecurities You Have In A New Relationship That Disappear When You Know It’s Going To Last

1. That the timing is too good to be true.

When you’re used to things never going exactly right in your love life, you’re immediately suspicious when the timing actually works out. When the person you care about, reciprocates those feelings, and wants to date you at a time that’s right for both of you, you’re taken aback. You worry they’re too good for you, or not good enough, but as the relationship progresses, you realize how deserving you are of one another.

2. Jealousy, specifically around friends of the opposite sex.

When you’re starting out, it’s natural to be wary of the attachment your new S.O. has with someone you’d assume was your “competition.” But like most male-female friendships, there could either NEVER be anything between them, and there was something but they have it under control. As your relationship grows and you build trust, those jealousies end up becoming completely unfounded and irrelevant.

3. That it’s too soon for ~heavy territory~

In the beginning, heavier subjects are skirted around because neither person wants to make the other uncomfortable. When you finally start opening up, it seems ridiculous that you ever felt like you needed to hide things. (Or at least, that’s what happens when you know you’re in a relationship that’s built to last.)

4. That you don’t stack up to their ex

Having an ex that’s still in the picture can cause tension early on, only because it’s difficult to understand the nature of that friendship. Nonetheless, exes are allowed to be close friends, if it works for them, and your suspicion that there’s some hidden agenda of them getting back together will evaporate as long as your partner comes clean with you early on.

5. Searching for perfection in the other person

The goggles that come with beginning a relationship, and falling for someone, lead you to believe that there is no one better than this new person. You suddenly feel the need to be an award winning significant other, just to keep up. Your need to be “on” all the time stems from the insecurity that maybe they’ll learn more about you and realize you aren’t as perfect as they thought. Once you know your relationship is worth keeping, you’re not concerned with trying to appear perfect. Your partner knows your flaws and is more than willing to embrace those imperfections.

6. Comparing your current relationship to your past ones

Most people have a relationship they use as a yardstick to measure all the others against. If you’re in the right relationship, the early insecurity that they’ll never be as good as so-and-so will disappear, because your new relationship will set the bar even higher.

7. That the white lies you told at the beginning will end up being deal breakers

Remember the time you swore you loved their favorite movie, had heard of the town they grew up in or took an interest in their favorite sports team? You were… reaching. Getting over the bumps of a new relationship means letting those things slide. It won’t matter months down the road when you’ve actually learned to like (or tolerate) their favorite movie, their hometown and their sports preferences.

8. That the honeymoon phase sex won’t last

There’s no denying that hot, heavy, on-the-kitchen-counter-at-any-time-of-day-sex isn’t the same as quickies before you both have to go to sleep early to get up for work. But part of the reason you’ll know you fit together is that you will both make time for the really good stuff, and other times, will just accept that showering is no longer a requirement for getting laid.

9. Finding problems that don’t actually exist because you expecting problems to arise

After being hurt, you tend to suspect that if there aren’t problems yet, there will be. But learning to love someone new requires you to ease up on your predispositions, and not go looking for problems just because you’re anxious in relationships. If they are understanding of these insecurities, and constantly give you reasons to truth them, then they’re committed for the long haul.

10. That they aren’t your type, so you two won’t fit in the long run

They aren’t who you’d ordinarily mesh with, or who your family, friends, etc. would expect you to be with. It seems like an issue at first, because you feel the need to rationalize your choice as you introduce your new guy/girl to your friends. But as soon as you see how comfortable your partner makes you, it cancels out the need to please everyone else. Once you know you want to be with someone, you stop feeling like you need to defend your choice.