“Dumping” a friend can be just as bad, if not worse, than dumping a significant other. Removing someone from your life who does not bring value, positivity, and support can be difficult to stomach through. When you truly care about someone, it is easy to be a good friend. Yes, friends can do some not-so-nice things to each other, but at the end of the day, the bond of a friendship can be more powerful than even some family relationships. When you care so much about someone, but know that the relationship is one-sided, it can be the hardest thing in the world to be the one to speak up and cut them off.
It hurts so much at first. You realize that you are being used or lied to or perhaps just completely ignored by this person – unless they need you for something. You are hurting, and you are trying to save what love and growth as friends you have developed throughout the years. You see them blowing various issues out of proportion, causing drama with every little thing that is not convenient for them.
They become toxic and you hope that things go back to what they were like at the beginning of your friendship – simple, fun, sweet. But it doesn’t change, and you begin to stop caring about this person’s every little whim or issue. Seeing them cry doesn’t get you upset anymore, it makes you roll your eyes in disbelief that yet again they are over-dramatizing every little situation. You stop answering their text messages when you realize they only contact you when they want something. You stop believing that this is a “phase”. You stop justifying that they may be going through something, because they aren’t. They are just toxic, and you’ve had enough.
You have finally realized that they are a garbage person and you don’t need any trash in your life.
You say that this is the last time. You try to convince yourself that this person will learn from their mistakes or the issues that they are going through. But they don’t. So they continue to hurt you, to use you for your kindness, to foster the negativity that has been growing between you despite years of support and love.
I am a full advocate of removing people from your life that have brought nothing to you but poison. These people tend to foster negativity, victimhood, and drama into your life that at this point in your day and age, it is completely unnecessary. These people drag you down into their hole of self-destruction hoping to affect any and all aspects and people in their lives. Somehow everything becomes about them, because to these toxic people, there is only one world – their world. You are simply just someone who they consider a follower – someone who they can rely on to feed on their ever looming ego-centrism.
The thing is, I don’t believe that people inherently suck. Which can make the process of realizing that someone is not worth your time even harder. You know that this person is a great person, and yet, they are really sucking at being a great friend that you can rely on. I think that some people are raised to suck, while I think others choose who they want to “suck” the most to and in what capacity. For example, catcallers, animal haters, and litter bugs may just be raised to suck. Whereas some people who are truly really great people in the grand scheme of things may just really suck at being a good friend or a good boyfriend/girlfriend. And the worst part of it is, they might just suck at being a good friend to just you.
Regardless, it is a positive move for you to let go of people who are toxic. Sometimes there are situations where you can “slow fade” a friendship. You can keep these people at a distance and allow your friendship to naturally dissolve to keep the peace. You do not have to be best friends or invite this person to everything, but part of you knows that regardless of how they behave, they won’t change and it is safer to keep them at a distance. Unfortunately, there are times where you just have to cut them out to do what is best for you and your life. It can be messy, awful, hurtful. But you realize that you can rise above the negative cloud that has been surrounding you and put forth your efforts into the friendships that truly hold value in your life.