Okay, I’ll Admit It: I’m Texting You Because I Miss You

No, I don’t want to talk to you nor do I want to have a conversation in hopes that we can get back together. I don’t want you to think I’m desperate, that I secretly wish we’ll talk for hours again and fall in love the second time around.

If you think I’m only dropping messages because I haven’t moved on, you’re wrong.

Let me make myself clear for once. I don’t want your attention. I missed you, yes. I’d be lying if I told you I don’t. Just because you miss someone, it doesn’t mean that you want them back in your life.

I’m dropping you messages every once in a while because I’m fulfilling the promise we had to each other, that we’ll stay friends no matter what happen. I’m dropping you messages so you’ll know I still care about you and I still think about you. I’m dropping you messages because I want you to know that I’m still here and I won’t leave you because I won’t break my promise.

I’m dropping you messages because I want to keep in touch, because you lack the initiative to make the people close to you stay in your life. I’m dropping you messages so that in your behalf, the promise will be fulfilled. Even if it takes a lot of hard work, courage and fear that you’ll be ignored, I still face the risk of getting hurt and letting the sadness that’s lurking in the corner embrace me when I’m vulnerable.

Despite that, I still continue to etch your memory in my life. I still continue to live a life without hate, a life that accepts and endures the pain that was given, a life that continues to hold on to people. Let’s face it, not everyone has the courage to make people stay in their lives. It’s easy to let go, to break a relationship, to forget somebody and put them out of your life but it takes a lot of effort to make someone stay.

Some would say that if someone doesn’t want to stay, you should let them go because when they’re meant for you, they’ll come back. What are they? A bird? Why would you let the decision come from the void? From an entity that you don’t see or feel or hear? If I have to make all these efforts just to make you stay, in your behalf I would gladly fulfill the promise we had made.

I won’t stop even if it annoys you, even if I look desperate, even if I look like a fool for I’ll always know that I did my best and I have nothing to regret. For I’ll always remember that I have loved and cared someone to the fullest and that will be the most enriching experience I’ll ever have, for I’ll always remember that the best part of my life is the rollercoaster ride of good and bad times when we’re still together.

That’s why I’m doing my best to keep in touch, I’m doing my best to show that I’m still here ready to listen to your woes, ready to accept you whoever you are now. I may not be your lover to the end but I want you to know that I could be the friend to help you out in the middle so that you’ll reach those dreams you trade me for because I know it’s all worth it.

So if I annoy you now, if you want me out of your life, please don’t worry now, my dear; I’m about to leave. Just let me spend all the remaining feelings I have so I can fulfill the promise you don’t want to fulfill.