Even Though You Didn’t Want Me, I Will Always Be There For You

Anna Demianenko
Anna Demianenko

When you need someone to talk to, you can still dial my number. I will always quietly listen and never ask why I am the one you still go to. But I will ask what all your problems are, why you’re so upset because, despite everything you made me feel about myself and how you’ve hardened me into someone I don’t recognize, I will always have a soft spot for you.

You can still talk to me about everything, all the girls you fell in love with and the ones who fell out of love with you, you can tell me about your latest job, your new goals, you can tell me the same stories as many times as you want and yet, to me, they will never get old.

If you feel alone, know that even though I walked away, I never truly left.

I won’t ask why you’re not going to someone else, I won’t ask why I’m the only one you think can still save you because although I told myself I will never speak to you again, or try to be the one to fix you, something tells me that a part of me will always be a little broken, and that’s the part that will never stop answering you.

Years later when you and I marry someone else and we both have our own family, I won’t put down the phone until you say “bye.” I won’t make an excuse and leave you hanging. I will wait for you to finish the exact same way I waited for you to come back to me and I will make sure to say everything I can think of to make you feel better, to give you strength, and not let any years between us take away these moments or make my care for you grow weak.

When you look at the people around you but don’t know who to turn to, come to me. We will talk like we used to, I will laugh with you as if I never once cried for you and I will smile at you as if the memories of you never stopped making me smile.

Even though everything is different, we can pretend that some things are still the same. We can act like we are still teenagers and talk like we will stay that way forever so we will never have to say “goodbye.”  

Some things never truly leave you. In case you’re wondering, I may have said “good-bye,” I may have made it clear that you lost me, but know that I was lying, because whenever you’re lost, whenever you feel like you have nothing, know that you still have me.

I can lie to myself every night that the next time my phone goes off with your number, I will block you. I won’t think twice about it. And I still keep telling myself this same lie. However, I don’t believe there will ever come a day when I can stop caring about you, wanting to be there for you, because even if you refuse to look back at the past, I never turned my back on you.

I don’t care if you can never see me as something more. Maybe you could be taking advantage of my heart. I don’t care if all you want to say is “I’m sorry” because I still want the chance to forgive you, to show you that I can never hate you, I will always want the chance to hear your voice again and I know that our chance may be over, but I will always hold on to the hope that you will never forget me, even if you think I don’t ever want to be reminded of you.

I know I said I don’t want us to be friends. I know I would also be lying if I said you don’t mean anything.

It’s okay if I never hear from you. But in case you’re reading this, just because I was forced to say “good-bye,” that doesn’t mean I never stopped wanting to hear you say “hello.”  TC mark 

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