12 Non-Negotiables To Set For Your Relationships This Year

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1. No longer will I let my worth be dependent upon my relationship status.

Who you are as a person is not measured by how deeply you are loved. Your uniqueness, your individuality, your value is not calculated by whether or not someone has your heart. Stop letting your worth be dependent upon your relationships. Whether you’re in something serious, searching for the one, or just focusing on yourself—know that love does not define you. And never will.

2. No longer will I settle for a soul that doesn’t value me.

You are a treasure. No, you’re not perfect. No, you won’t always do or say the right thing. But you deserve to be loved wholeheartedly by a flawed person who will fight alongside you, whatever you face. Don’t settle for being half-loved, for an almost, for temporary. This year, pursue someone who values you. And nothing less.

3. No longer will I waste time and energy on people who disregard me.

Like the famous quote says—there are so many mediocre things in this life; love should never be one of them. So don’t let it be. Don’t waste your time and energy on people who don’t treat you with respect and attention. Don’t throw yourself into a relationship with someone who isn’t putting 100% of themselves in, too.

4. No longer will I put everyone else’s emotions before my own.

Being selfless is a beautiful thing, but sometimes you have to learn to put yourself first, too. Your needs are just as important as the person you’re with. No more compromising yourself to make someone else happy, or sacrificing your happiness to bring a smile to someone else. Value yourself, too. And when you’re feeling a certain way, honor it.

5. No longer will I ignore the wild beating of my heart.

This year, listen—to yourself, to your mind, and most importantly, to your heart. Whether this means chasing a love that might be scary, or walking away from something that doesn’t sit right with your soul, listen to what your heart says. And be fearlessly guided by it.

6. No longer will I fall into people who are not ready to catch me.

Fall into arms that are ready. Fall into a body who is confidently and excitedly waiting for you. Love is not easy, but when someone wants to be with you, they will choose to, no matter the doubt. So instead of falling into people who can’t commit or who are too afraid, fall into someone who can’t wait to make you theirs.

7. No longer will I tell myself I am unfit for love.

Stop undervaluing yourself, simply because a past relationship hasn’t worked out, or a lover broke your heart, or you’re just sick and tired of searching and not finding the real thing. Your past doesn’t make you unfit for love. A failed relationship doesn’t mean you won’t ever find the one. And just because you’re still searching doesn’t mean you’ll forever be alone. This year, remind yourself of your worth.

8. No longer will I rush things that are meant to take time.

Slow down. Don’t try to control a situation, to manipulate a person, to make a connection fall according to your whim or plan. Let love happen—through whatever means. What’s meant to be will work itself out, and it’s true, the most beautiful things take time.

9. No longer will I try to change people who don’t want to be changed.

This year, stop thinking you have the power to change people. If someone doesn’t want to be changed, they won’t. And the same applies to you, if you’re in a relationship with someone who wants to alter the person you are. People don’t change unless they want to.

And if someone doesn’t want to fight for you, to be with you, or to see the potential you two have—you are wasting your time. You shouldn’t have to convince someone, tell them how to love you, or force them to give you a try.

10. No longer will I let a broken relationship define who I am, or will become.

Past abuse, past broken relationships, past love—none of those measure what will happen to you next. None of those will determine the love you will one day find. None of those define who you are, or will become. Don’t let them.

11. No longer will I be afraid to fall, or try again.

Do not be afraid to love. It is one of the most beautiful things in this crazy life, and even if you’ve fallen down plenty of times, even if your heart is broken into little pieces, even if you’re just exhausted from the chase—it’s worth every single try. And you will discover it in time.

12. No longer will I search for love more than I search for myself.

Love is beautiful, but it is not everything. Yes, you can be excited to find love, to find your ‘person,’ but don’t prioritize the search for ‘the one’ over the search for yourself. Pursue what makes your heart come alive. Chase your passions. Run, relentlessly, the direction of your dreams. And fall in love with yourself, with your life. Love will come. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Marisa Donnelly

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

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