11 Things People With High Emotional Intelligence Simply Don’t Allow

1. They don’t allow their feelings to be masked or ignored.

Emotionally intelligent people are self-aware. They know what they are feeling and the importance of truly feeling those feelings—sadness, pain, anger, frustration, excitement, joy, bliss, confusion, etc. Instead of masking emotion, or trying to pretend they’re fine when they’re truly struggling, emotionally intelligent individuals express what’s going on and don’t bottle everything up.

2. They don’t allow others to determine their sense of worth.

Judgement is a natural part of the human experience, but emotionally intelligent people know themselves enough to stop others’ negative perceptions from defining who they are. Emotionally intelligent people are confident and know that they do not have to feel insecure over someone else’s perspectives; they determine their own self-worth.

3. They don’t allow their thoughts or feelings to be chosen for them.

People can be persuasive when it comes to opinions and perspectives, but emotionally intelligent people cannot be swayed. They feel strongly, think deeply, and do not let anyone decide how they are supposed to act, or what they are supposed to internalize in a given situation.

4. They don’t allow their fears to be masked in order to look composed.

Emotionally intelligent people are not fearless; no one is fearless. However, instead of falling victim to fear, or thinking that they have to remove all fear in order to be successful, emotionally intelligent people know that they are allowed to, and should, have things they are afraid of. They know that showing fear does not make them weak; rather, it reveals their humanness and awareness.

5. They don’t allow happiness to be their only goal.

Happiness is wonderful, but emotionally intelligent people know that obtaining happiness is not the most important thing—experiencing life, in its entirety is. The pursuit of happiness can be endless because life has its continual ups and downs. Rather than experiencing highs and lows that shift between periods of joy and sadness, emotionally intelligent people are more than willing to look forward and pursue new experiences, taking on whatever emotions that come.

6. They don’t allow emotions to take over their entire lives.

People with high emotional intelligence are not completely ruled by their emotions. Though they have a strong sense of that side of their personality, they are also logical, and can distinguish between their deep feelings and reason.

7. They don’t allow themselves to feel as if they are ‘too much.’

Sometimes emotionally intelligent people can be labeled as ‘too much,’ simply because they have a lot of feelings and do a good job of expressing them. A trait of their intelligence is their ability to distinguish their emotional side as a strength rather than a weakness. They know their feelings are not ‘too much.’ In fact, they see their ability to express and to feel as a gift.

8. They don’t allow someone’s opinion of them to change what they feel.

When it comes to disagreements or arguments, oftentimes one individual tries to change the other’s feelings. Emotionally intelligent people are both rational and emotional. If there is something they feel strongly about, they won’t feel the need to change, simply to pacify a fight or relationship. They are comfortable expressing themselves and staying strong in the face of an opinion that cuts at their character.

9. They don’t allow their emotional side to feel like a burden.

Emotion can be very heavy, but emotionally intelligent people choose to see that aspect of their person as empowering, rather than burdensome. Though they may feel things deeper than most, they have a positive perspective. They know their emotional intelligence helps them in their relationships, their career, and their experiences.

10. They don’t allow their emotions to overrule reality.

Emotionally intelligent people can distinguish between what’s true and what’s a product of their minds and feelings. They can see when something is emotionally charged versus neutral. And they have the ability to make sense of their feelings in a way that doesn’t mask them, but doesn’t allow those feelings to distort what’s really happening.

11. They don’t allow themselves to be surrounded by negative people.

Relationships are one of the most important and aspects of being human, and when it comes to these connections, emotionally intelligent individuals have no problem sifting through and removing those who only bring negativity and bitterness. People with a high emotional intelligence choose to surround themselves with individuals who build them up, who support them, and who understand their feelings and perspectives.

Marisa Donnelly is a poet and author of the book, Somewhere on a Highway, available here.