The Ultimate Girl’s Guide To Surviving Super Bowl Sunday With Bae And The Boys

Twenty20 / brookeekelund
Twenty20 / brookeekelund

Author’s Note: Now before you get all butthurt, this is mean to be silly. Which means poking fun at myself, and other girls like me, who might care litttttle bit more about the food than the game. 😝

1. Know what teams are playing.
Well, duh. There’s absolutely nothing worse (or more embarrassing) than being the chick that has no idea who’s actually in what jersey. (Tip: That’s what Google’s for.)

2. Go with the flow.
The dudes are planning today…AKA there are no real plans. You have no idea where you’re going, when you need to be there, or what you should bring. But guys will be guys, so don’t worry. They’ll figure it out sometime before the game starts. In the meantime, grab or make something quick. Or if all else fails, take some beer. Everybody likes beer.

3. Use the buddy system.
This means bringing a gal-pal to whatever party you’re headed to, or having a lady friend help you host. At some point in the day you’re going to feel the urge to complain about the crumbs all over your significant other’s t-shirt or how his best friend burped during the National Anthem. You’re going to need a girly friend you can complain to, gossip with, and binge-eat during all the commercials. So buddy system = yes.

4. Before you ask what the hell just happened, wait for the replay.
Ahh, the instant replay. Thank God for that, right? Before you blurt out an I-wasn’t-really-paying-attention-but-I’m-going-to-pretend-to-be-interested question and get eye rolls and under-the-breath comments, wait for the replay and the announcer to give you the scoop. If you still don’t get it, whisper (quietly) to your most trustworthy guy friend. And pray he doesn’t embarrass you too badly.

5. When in doubt, buy more booze.
The guys can put back more than you think. And depending on how the game goes…they might need more than expected. Always be prepared. Plus, you’re all going to need plenty to get through the afternoon of shouts, drunk wrestling, and halftime beer pong tournaments.

6. Accept the fact that you are 99.9% going to be asked to DD.
Sure you can drink. (Refer to #5) But you may or may not be on babysitting duty today, esp. if bae’s team wins. (Brace yourself. It’s like his 21st birthday all over again.)

7. If you’re not going to pay attention…at least know the score.
The score at halftime and the final score. And, most importantly, which team has that score.

8. Eat. And eat shamelessly.
Today is your day of freedom. The guys are too focused on the TV to judge you for the huge plate of nachos at 2PM. So live it up! This is your time to eat guilt-free and all damn day.

9. Whatever you do, resist the urge to be a cling-on.
There’s nothing wrong with pouring yourself a glass of wine and curling up between bae’s legs as he watches the game. And it’s cute to cuddle next to him on the couch. But today is not the day to try to talk about anything deep or sentimental. Seriously, his brain is focused on three things: booze, food, and football. 😝

10. Remember the golden rule: Food is the way into a man’s heart.
So you may or may not give a crap about today. If you do, you rock. And if you don’t, that’s okay. Buttttt if you’re planning on boozing and kickin’ it with your beau and/or a combo of his/your guy friends, you have to abide by the golden rule. Do not. I repeat. Do not go to a gathering empty handed. And for the love of God, if you’re hosting, make sure there’s enough chili, wings, nachos, and cheese dip to go around. (Tip: Pinterest is your friend.) TC mark

Marisa Donnelly

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

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