Frank Ocean Has Some Excellent Advice For Your Next Relationship

If you haven’t been listening to Blonde, Frank Ocean’s 17-track whopper of a follow-up to 2012’s Channel Orange, drop everything and get your ass over to Apple Music (or here). With sexually frank lyrics (“No trees to blow through, but blow me and I’ll owe you two grams and a sunrise”), this thing is epic. And that’s to say nothing of his separate, mesmerizing visual album Endless, the music video for “Nikes” or the Boys Don’t Cry zine, all released this past weekend.

Aside from beautiful, breathy vocals, innovative sounds and the most fabulous back-up singer of all time (Beyoncé! See below!), Blonde has something powerful to say about your relationship, too.

You pump to the club and meet someone you want to boyfriend and you’re all texting your friends that he’s like so totally hot and epic and the first thing you do is add him on Facebook. IF YOU’RE NOT FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK IT ISN’T REAL LOVE. lol jk, but who doesn’t smile knowing that someone you think you want to be with just commented or pinned a heart next to your status or profile pic?

But all that’s glitter isn’t gold. Being Facebook friends with someone you’re dating or even hope to date can be a complete disaster, too, especially if everything goes tits up in the end.

One of the high moments on Blonde is “Facebook Story,” an interlude narrated by French producer SebastiAn about how his relationship fell apart because he wouldn’t add his then girlfriend on Facebook. Isn’t that silly!

Facebook Story

I was just telling that I got this girl before
And I was together since 3 years
And uhh, I was not even cheating her or what
And Facebook arrived and uhh she wanted me to accept her on Facebook
And I don’t want it because I was like in front of her
And she told me like “Accept me on Facebook”
It was virtual, means no sense
So I say “I’m in front of you, I don’t need to accept you on Facebook”
She started to be crazy
She thought that because I didn’t accept her
She thought I was cheating
She told me like, uh, “it’s over”
I can’t believe you
I said “come on you’re crazy” because like yeah
I’m in front of you, I’m every day
Here in your house
That’s, it means like it’s jealousy
Pure jealousy for nothing
You know
Virtual thing

She thought he was cheating because he wouldn’t add her on Facebook. Super dumb, yet also v real. So much of how we value ourselves and our relationships comes from Facebook. And if this interlude doesn’t dig into the heart of the troubles of the modern day relationship, I don’t know what does.

So there you have it, folks. Facebook is killing your relationships!