Welcoming someone new into your sex life can be very exciting, especially as you spend time discovering each others bodies and sexual proclivities. But don’t you wish that sometimes you could just print out a guide of things that are guaranteed to get you off/things you HATE? Please do not suck on my balls, etc. With sex menus, now you can. A sex menu is basically an individualized pleasure map to your body that you create and share with other people. Maybe you sleep with the people you share it with and maybe you don’t. The point is realizing what you want and spelling it out in no unmistakable terms.

For more on Sex Menus, including templates and examples, go here!

1. Everybody you sleep with knows what you’re into.

The guessing game of what you’re into in bed goes out the window. You can share it with people and they can either opt in or out. But who cares if they opt out? Maybe you dodged a bullet!

2. Creates a sex positive space.

Sex menus create a sex positive space where sex is seen as something natural and which brings pleasure, not as something dirty and taboo. Everyone is thinking about sex all the time anyway, whether through sexting or looking at porn. Why not use all the talking about sex to create a very useful document!

3. You can get exactly what you want in bed.

When you make a sex menu you should think about your entire sexual history and reflect on things you’ve liked, things you don’t like so much, your best sexual experiences and your worst ones. What was your best sexual experience and what made it so good? What was the worst? Put it on your sex menu! It means that people you share it with, should you chose to sleep with them, will know exactly what you like and what they’re in for, and they can sign up for it or not. I suppose it sounds a lot like sexting, but the difference is that you should primarily write your sex menu for yourself.

4. You can learn from other people.

If you chose to share your sex menu then the other person should give you one back, or maybe you can have a party where everyone makes a sex menu! That’s part of the fun! You can see what they like but really you can spell out what you like. Plus, you might even be turned on by things you didn’t know could turn you on because you’ve never experienced it before. With consent, sex menus make sex hands-on again, rather than this linear thing that starts with making out and ends with a cum shot.

5. Focuses more on play than orgasm.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but one of the match questions you can answer on OkCupid is whether you think having an orgasm is the most important thing about sex. How you answer this yes or no question is key, but here is where the sex menu comes in. Since sex menus act as a guide to your pleasure the other person is faced with a range of titillating ways you can play in the bedroom, sex outside of the standard P in a V or P in an A sex we know.