You’ve just been hired for a job in a different state or city but you’ve been seeing someone you really like for the past two years. You don’t really want to break up with them but the promise of a great job in a new city with a higher salary is just too hard to overlook. Or maybe you’re going abroad or heading off to graduate school.
Whatever the reason you should know that long distance relationships are a lot of work. The distance starts to wear on you and you have to constantly be aware of not letting the time zones, the miles or bus stops between you make you drift apart.
Probably the most important thing you can do to make your long distance relationship work is to talk about how long you’ll be apart and when might you be in the same place again. Will he move to you? Will you move to him eventually? Framing the distance as somewhat temporary makes the whole thing a bit more bearable because you know that this is just a new stage of the relationship you’re going through. A small hurdle, one with an expiration date.
One reason distance often doesn’t work is not because the love disappears but because in all those times of loneliness, where you miss your partner dearly and you’re drunk next to your new work colleague, your emotions might drive you to seek out a surrogate sexual or emotional relationship. Instead of fucking someone behind your partners’ back — always a terrible idea — you should have an open and honest conversation before the distance begins about what this distance means to your relationship. You love him and want to be with him but you have sexual needs.
Should you both cautiously sleep with other people, knowing full well that doing so might lead you to meet someone else? Or should you stay 100% monogamous?
You should have an open and honest conversation about this so that hearts don’t get broken (and surprise STDs passed on).
If you want your long distance relationship to last you should see each other often — as often as your budget or work schedule will allow. Seeing each other once every six months is going to be tough, but twice a month or every weekend or every other weekend are good options. Meet them somewhere between your two cities, and treat every trip like a new chance to explore your partner and the life they live in their new home. They will likely have plenty to show you.
The most difficult thing about being in an open relationship is more than the threat of drifting apart. It’s when one of you starts to feel like you’re not included in the other person’s life anymore. The phone calls become terse, short and eventually they stop. The questions about how you’re doing and stories about work stop. The visits stop.
You have to include them in your life as much as possible. Have a date night once a week on Skype where you watch a movie or play a game online. Look forward to seeing them the next time you do. Masturbate with each other on camera. Schedule huge chunks of time to be together in person. Plan a fabulous trip. Do everything you can to keep the thing alive.
The cool thing about distance is that if you do it right, each time you see your partner it’ll be like you’re seeing them for the first time.
If you’ve agreed to do long distance then you probably want it to work. Do your part to make sure it does.